Back to You
by kandys-couple
Summary: A Kirsten Cohen story. Set after season 2. Kandy all around. Updated Chapter 13 Up!
1. The Journey

Back to You – A Kirsten Story

A collective effort between D&E. We're savagely obsessed fans of the show. Our favorite couple obviously is Kirsten and Sandy. His favorite character is Kirsten. Her favorite character is Sandy. It's so perfect for us. We remind each other so much of the character, it's a little scary. Hahaha. Anyway, it takes place right after season two's finale. Kirsten's dealt with Caleb's death and that's probably about all that's different. We don't own or are affiliated with anyone. Read and Review. Thank you.

This chapter is basically Kirsten's thoughts on rehab, also, thoughts on returning after two months of being gone.

Chapter 1: Finishing up One Journey, Beginning Another (Kirsten)

Kirsten looked around the room that had been her home for the past two months. New experiences and lessons she never expected to have. Her bags were packed, bed made. I'm ready to go home, she thought to herself. The room had returned to its original state of blandness. No longer was it filled with pictures of the Cohen family, random cards she'd received, dried roses and flowers Sandy had sent her. The room had lost its Kirsten-esque aroma and presence. It had returned to being a room with a desk and a bed. She had felt its loneliness surround her when she first arrived. The solitude. The confinement. Suddenly, the room had become her oasis, the only area in the whole center where she felt anything other than guilt and sadness. The colors, green, the pictures, the mp3 player Seth had given her with songs she was sure Sandy had told him to load, the "forgotten kisses" from Hailey and the picture and letter from Ryan. Each had given her something, a part of her past to help her face the future. It helped aim toward a goal. It gave her strength she never knew she had. It gave her a sense of warmth and love she never got from the center. A sense of family, even though they were so far away. She felt as though they were with her. Family. She had finished dwelling on the thoughts of returning to the family, she was finally going to get to do it. She turned and walked away from the room, never taking a second look back. After all, she'd finished that journey and was now beginning another.

She looked outside to see a limo waiting for her. Her heart sank. She'd been hoping to see Sandy waiting for her at the passenger door, with his arms open to her and that adorable Cohen smile but there was nothing of that sort there. The driver greeted her with a smile and offered her a letter. From Sandy. As Kirsten stood frozen, staring at the letter in her hands, the driver put away her bags. Dear Kirsten, I'm sorry but I couldn't wait for you. I couldn't stand the fact that my wife was a drunken alcoholic. From Sandy. Thoughts of this nature began to cross Kirsten's mind. He wouldn't do that to me. He loves me, she thought to herself. He cleared his throat to signal that it was time for them to leave. She had already completed her goodbyes with the friends she had made in rehab but turned and smiled at those seeing her off.

She got into the limo and smiled brightly. Sandy had been there and prepared everything to make her feel comfortable and well loved. This made her feel guilty but relieved at the same time. The limo smelled of her favorite flowers and roses. The driver had played their song; flowers stared at her from every angle of the interior. A box of her favorite chocolates sat beside her and a cute black box decorated with pink ribbon was across from her. "Hmmm…" she moaned as she ate a chocolate and reached for the box. She carefully undid the ribbon and opened the box. She laughed aloud and reached in for the black lacy sheer material. Lingerie, Sandy, you never cease to make me laugh, she thought to herself. She decided that when it was time, she would try it on. For Sandy. She sighed as she decided to open the letter:

"My dearest Kirsten,

I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to pick you up today but I will make it up to you, darling. I promise. I've missed you, dearly. I wish I were there to hold you in my arms again. It's been so long. I've missed your warmth and your smile. I'm so glad you're coming back to me. There are so many things I want to say to you, to do to you. I hope you liked everything I prepared for you in the limo. That little black box isn't just for you, you know. I can't wait until I see you again. I love you.

Sandy."

Kirsten laughed at the last lines. It was so him. She began to feel ashamed of the previous thoughts she had had. She knew him better than that. He wouldn't leave her. Not now, not ever. Tears began to fill her eyes as she thought about everything.

It's been so long. I've never been so afraid in my life. What if things aren't how they used to be? What if no one remembers me? Anything good, just the bad. What if Ryan and Seth can't forgive me for what I've done, leaving them, abandoning them like that? Ryan's gone through this with his mother. I can't believe I did this to him. Putting him through this same agony, again. He trusted me to change things for him and I just turned them upside down. And Seth. How is he going to forgive me? He's gone through so much and has been so accepting about everything. Sandy's told me he believed that he should have paid more attention. Nothing is more not his fault. I'm ruining my family. Sandy's been amazing to me all these years and I go off on benders because someone else left. I've never been that woman. What happened to me? What's going to happen with everyone? Rehab was great but it was rehab. It took me so long to fall asleep. I was used to Sandy sometimes not being there when I fell asleep but he was usually there when I woke up, to greet me with a kiss. It was so hard for me not to have him there. Imagine what it was like for them. I need my family back. Two months is a long time without them. How can I just leave and return after so much has happened?

Kirsten closed her eyes to calm herself down but ended up falling asleep, in midst of it all. Kirsten woke up to the sound of the driver's voice, gently waking her from her sleep. They had made it home. Her bags were put upstairs as the driver had been order to and was simply waiting for the most precious cargo to be unloaded. She smiled at him, thanked him and sighed, looking up at her house. He pulled away as she proceeded up the stairs to the home she hadn't known in two months. She stopped at the door, pausing, waiting for something she was unsure of. She needed something, a sign for her to enter. She turned around; she wasn't quite ready, not yet. She walked over to the grassy area before she house and lay down. She looked up at the sky. Bluish with random clouds paving the sun's rays. The light made her eyes hurt so she shut them for a moment. Her ponytail began to annoy her so she let her hair down, cascading around her, framing her face. She settled into her lush wavy hair. The sun began to heat her skin, which she took as a sign to face her house. After all, it wasn't particularly hot outside that day. She got up and shook the loose grass free from her body, her T-Shirt and jeans. She walked the familiar path to her house, up the steps. She reached into her purse for the familiar shape of her keys. It was as if nothing had happened. Her habits had fallen back into place. She turned around to greet the day, picked the third key from the left of the chain and unlocked the door, swinging the keys in her other hand.

The house was empty. All that could be heard was Rosa cleaning up Kirsten's bags upstairs and a feeble "Welcome Back, Mrs. Cohen." Kirsten sighed a "thank you" that she knew no one would hear as she stood, trapped in her tracks, alone.


	2. The Welcoming Committee

This chapter is basically about Kirsten returning to Newport and to her family.

Chapter 2: Welcome Home, Kirsten

The house was empty. All that could be heard was Rosa cleaning up Kirsten's bags upstairs and a feeble "Welcome Back, Mrs. Cohen." Kirsten sighed a "thank you" that she knew no one would hear as she stood, trapped in her tracks.

She began her walk toward the kitchen, she wasn't exactly hungry but the chocolate had made her thirsty and she needed something to comfort her. Cake, ice cream, and the usual "comfort food" she always turned to after an argument with Sandy or her father. Caleb. It had been so long since she had thought of him. This made her sick. Her father, not less than three months dead, already at the back of her mind. He had apologized to her in the letter she had received shortly after his death. It's not that she didn't miss him but being in rehab helped her accept the inevitable in life, meaning death. She knew he was in a better place. Now, he could watch over her, properly, not having to deal with problems with the Newport Group or Julie or any other debacles that he seemed to getting himself into. She smiled at the fond memories she had of him. Him buying her, her very first ring when she was six, just because she wanted one. Getting her the doll she wanted for her birthday, or even just saying "I love you."

She wandered slowly to the kitchen, hearing something stir beyond the wall. She stopped, raising an eyebrow and cautiously proceeding forward. She jumped, startled at the loud outburst made by Sandy, Seth, Ryan and Hailey. She never knew four people could make such noise. It was just them. Family. She smiled and began to tear as Hailey stepped forward and took her in her arms.

"Welcome home, Kiks. I've missed you," said Hailey, rubbing her sister's back. Kirsten was at a loss for words. Hailey was back from Japan. For her. Not for money, not to "mooch" as Sandy always lovingly put it. But for her. Her sister. Kirsten could only mutter an "I missed you, too, sis," through the tears.

Hailey felt a tap on her shoulder. Ryan sheepishly looked to the floor and up into Hailey's eyes. This was her sign to let go. Ryan wanted to welcome her back, too. Hailey smiled and let go of Kirsten, who was attempting to wipe her tears. Ryan opened his arms to her, causing her to sob once again. Ryan smiled. He missed her. "Hey Kirsten," was all he could mutter. Kirsten sobbed a small "Hey you," back. He missed their random moments of Mother-Son bonding. He missed how she always made him feel as if he was her real son. How whenever she hugged him, it was tight but so full of care that it didn't matter. He was shocked at how her body seemed to radiate the same feelings that existed before everything. She was still the same Kirsten, small and warm. He heard someone behind him clear his throat. Seth wanted his turn.

"Mom?" he asked, tentatively, stepping closer to her as Ryan stepped back, allowing them to reach each other. Seth wrapped his arms around his mother as she sighed and wept a little more. Her little boy was grown up. Taking everything in a mature fashion, accepting her. No words needed to be exchanged in this embrace. The hug said everything that was needed to say. He needed his mother, she needed her son. She had tended to him when he was 8 and came down with the chicken pox. She took care of him, took time off of work when his allergies got to the stage where he had to be brought to the emergency room. Now, he was there for her. Just holding her made her feel like the last two months never really existed. That time healed everything. Even absence. He felt as if in her going to rehab, being a voice she could listen to, he was taking care of her, even if it didn't mean that he was holding a cold compress against her head or giving her children's medicine. It wasn't the same as giving her, her vitamins but it was something nonetheless.

Sandy smiled and sighed at the sight of his family. Ryan and Hailey, her arm over his shoulders, Seth and Kirsten, wrapped in a tight embrace. Seth, wiped a tear and stepped back from his mom, paving the way for Sandy to come forward and take the love of his life in his arms. Sandy smiled at his wife's tear stained eyes and trembling lower lip. He missed her. She looked up at him, watching him smile that Cohen smile she loved so much. She ran to him as he gathered her small frame in his arms. He picked her up off the ground, never wanting to let go. She buried her face in his shoulder, baring her soul. She wept hardest with him. He placed her feet delicately back on the ground, stroking her hair. He touched her back in long strokes, whispering, "I love you," over and over. Never wanting her to ever doubt it. Trying to make up for two months worth of it, trying to prove it. He missed saying it to her and hearing her say it back He missed her scent. He missed his Kirsten. He missed the way they were in sync every morning, the way her hair smelled even after a long day. The way she would claim something was important to her, even if it was just Valentine's Day. The way she would say his name, as if she were as innocent as the day. He missed her beauty, which always guided his day, no matter how tough, she shone through. She was his rock and now it was his turn. She was always so strong. Even now, in her time of weakness, she emitted a strength that he recognized. It was the same strength that kept him sane all the days she was gone. It was knowledge that there was something waiting. Something loving on the other side. A basic fundamental of life. Love. She pulled back, but remained in his arms. She looked deep into his eyes, a luxury she never got to experience for such a long time that she smiled for the first time since she had arrived. "I love you, Sandy." She waited. He leaned in and brushed his lips gently against hers. "I love you," he murmured lightly against her lips. He leaned in again and kissed her a little deeper, trying to show her just how much. He was trying to give her a kiss, full of two months worth of loving, waiting.

Seth smiled but turned around. As much as he didn't want to ruin the moment, for the first time, he didn't want to see them kissing. Hailey and Ryan smiled at their family. They motioned for Seth to join them as they left the kitchen and walked to the TV room, ninjas awaited them and Sandy and Kirsten, needed a few minutes alone before they would bestow upon her all the stories and experiences she had missed in the two months.

Kirsten ran her slender fingers through Sandy's hair. She missed his hair. His cute little ears she loved to surround her fingers with when they kissed. The feel of his skin beneath her fingertips. The noises he made when she ran her tongue against his. She remembered this fondly and pulled away from the kiss. He looked at her, raised eyebrows; inquiring as to why she stopped the kiss he loved so much. She smiled as she leaned in and kissed him lightly, feathering little kisses against his lips. She ran her tongue delicately against his upper lip, making this a sign that she wanted to resume their earlier state of romance. She ran her tongue against the top of his; causing him to make the noise she loved so much. "Oh, baby. I missed this." Kirsten laughed as she kissed him again.

Seth, Ryan and Hailey looked up and smiled at the sound of Kirsten's laugh. They were glad she was finally home, where she belonged.


	3. The Determining Factor

Chapter 3:

Seth, Ryan and Hailey looked up and smiled at the sound of Kirsten's laugh. They were glad she was finally home, where she belonged.

Seth woke up the next day as the smell of bacon wafted to his nostrils. He began to get up, his back sore. _Note to self: Never sleep on the floor again, _he thought to himself. He looked up to see his parents still dozed off on the couch. The Cohen Family had spent the night recounting tales of the summer to Kirsten, who couldn't help but laugh every time something unexpected or very Cohen-like happened. Her family had a way of keeping things interesting now a day. It was the news about Trey that shocked her laughter away. The shooting. The coma. Ryan and Marissa. The attempted rape. Kirsten asked so many questions about detail that Seth had to step in and change the subject to something more suitable to his tastes. Flashback "Hey mom, did I tell you about me and Summer?"

"Well, sort of. But Seth, I'd really like to know more about what happened with Tr—"

"She and I are back together, stronger than ever. This relationship is just so deep. I'm in love," he interrupted.

"That's great, honey. What did the doc—You're in love?" Seth smiled as he saw his plan worked. Hailey and Ryan laughed as Kirsten looked around the room for answers. Since when was her little boy in love?

"That's right dear mother. I, Seth Cohen am in love," he said, proudly as Sandy patted him on the back smiling brightly.

"That's my son. He learned about life's hardest wonder from the master," Sandy said as Kirsten snorted in laughter, "Hey! Not this again. I managed to get you, my darling wife."

"Actually," she said, seductively wrapping her arms around his neck, "I believe I got you." He smiled as he kissed her. Kirsten wasn't a big fan of public displays of affection but then again, she hadn't intended for Sandy to kiss her like that, a nose graze perhaps but not that. But she accepted it gratefully; she had a lot of catching up to do. They both laughed when Ryan did his signature cough and Seth, his usual moan of disgust. They had had their time. "They are really, so whipped," Hailey said.

"Guys, back to me okay! Can we just focus on me for like 10 minutes? There is nothing as momentous as a young man, such as myself falling in love," said Seth, gesturing toward himself.

"Have you told Summer about said feelings?" asked Kirsten, lacing her fingers between Sandy's.

"Not only have I told her, I proved my everlasting love for her," he winked at Sandy, who smiled and winked back. Kirsten eyed both men as she slapped Sandy's hand, forcing him to let go.

"There's something you're not telling me here."

"I talked it over with Dad. Trust me, Mom, even though it was ridiculously uncomfortable and it didn't really work, it helped me figure out what I needed to do or well what not to do," Seth shuddered; _I think I just said too much._

Kirsten stared at her son, wide-eyed, "You… had… the… you had the… the talk? When?"

"You answered the door and were quite busy with Jimmy, Valentine's Day," said Sandy, casually running his hand through his hair. _Most uncomfortable talk ever. _Hailey and Ryan laughed. Seth had told them about that fateful talk about sex with Sandy. The awkwardness and uncomfortable looks had been exchanged.

"Hailey. Coffee. Black. Now," said Kirsten, unable to grasp what she had just heard. Hailey got up and ventured her way to the kitchen. _Finally, she's stopped talking to me in complete sentences. I'm one of the family now._ _Coffee… coffee… _

"Hey, someone want to teach me how to make coffee?" yelled Hailey from the kitchen. Kirsten and Sandy rolled their eyes as Ryan got up to help her.

"Do you want to tell me exactly what you told our son about sex? From what I knew, it was just a little girl talk… about girls… courting! Sandy! What did you tell him?" asked Kirsten, loudly. Seth groaned. This was just far too weird. His parents. His sex life. Just too weird. He got up to the kitchen to "help" with the coffee. Actually, he just needed to get away before the conversation made him vomit.

"What do you mean, what did I tell him? I just gave him a few tips, that's it!" said Sandy.

"Tips like what? Sandy! You tell me right now!"

"Honey, I don't understand why you're so upset about this. I just told him to do what seems to work on you all the time. Massaging. Nibbling the neck." Kirsten stared at him, her mouth slightly open in shock.

"YOU TOLD OUR SON TO DO TO HIS GIRLFRIEND WHAT YOU DO TO ME!" Kirsten accidentally said that part a little louder than she had wanted to. Seth, Hailey and Ryan stood at the entrance to the room, holding a cup of Kirsten's coffee. Seth choked a little, "Yup, just swallowed a little throw-up. Mom! Dad! I did not need that visual. This is disgusting."

End of Flashback

Seth walked over to the kitchen where Ryan and Hailey were slaving away. "Morning."

"Hey Seth, how are you doing?" asked Hailey, popping a blueberry into her mouth.

"Not bad. A little sore," said Seth, rubbing his back.

"Actually, I was wondering how you were doing now that Kirsten's back. I know it's been a little hard on you and everything," she said, putting down the batch of pancakes she had just made. The three of them looked at the couple sleeping on the couch. Sandy was lying down on the couch with Kirsten curled up against his chest.

"Yeah. Well, I'm glad she's back. I've missed her. You know, my mom being here and all. It's great. Everyone's happy again. You would've thought it was Chrismukkah again," he laughed.

Sandy woke up to see his family staring at him. Kirsten was lightly snoring. He laughed, waking Kirsten up. "What? What happened?" she said, completely disheveled.

"Morning, beautiful. Our amazing son, Ryan and your equally amazing sister, Hailey have been slaving away in the kitchen, making a breakfast to die for. What our other son, Seth is doing in our kitchen is beyond me," said Sandy, kissing Kirsten's temple as she smiled. Seth rolled his eyes and faked a laugh. Kirsten stood up, taking Sandy by the hand.

"I need to freshen up. I'll be right back," said Kirsten, suggestively. She and Sandy walked to the bathroom as Seth rolled his eyes. _Disgusting._

"I don't know. It does feel a little awkward. Just the fact she was at rehab and I couldn't do anything to protect her. I'm just a little confused and well… awkward about everything," sighed Seth, out of the blue. Hailey and Ryan exchanged looks as the finished placing the remaining food on the table.

"Seth, maybe you should talk to her," said Hailey, setting the plates down.

"About your feelings, man," finished Ryan, noticing the look of confusion on Seth's face.

"Since when have you two been the Super Team?" he asked looking at the pair. They both shrugged as they finished the final touches to their family breakfast. "Don't tell me you and my other aunt are hooking up," Seth said, sarcastically. Ryan punched him in the chest, causing Seth to yelp in pain and call for his parents.

"That's Seth. It's time to eat," said Kirsten, breathlessly. She was sitting on the sink with Sandy between her legs, kissing her neck, "We can't do this right now."

Sandy sighed, "You just don't know the meaning of a quickie, do you?" Kirsten smiled. They hadn't gone far enough, both parties fully clothed, hair a little fussed but that was the extent of it. He helped her off the sink. He smiled at the present he had left Kirsten. She hadn't noticed as she began to fix her hair. He ran a hand through his as he opened the door. He wondered who would be the first to notice the mark on his wife's neck. Hailey, Ryan or Seth.

The pair walked out of the bathroom as if nothing had happened, hand in hand. They sat down at the table with their family. Kirsten smiled at the food. She was starved. The trio stared at Kirsten, who helped herself to some fruit and a pancake. "Am I the only one, other than Sandy, who is going to be eating this feast?" she asked, biting into a piece of cantaloupe.

"Mom," began Seth.

"There's something on your—" said Ryan.

"Oh my God, Kiks. Is that a hickey?" interrupted Hailey. Kirsten stared at Sandy wide-eyed as he smiled, chewing innocently on his food.

"I'll be right back," she said, casually. She ran to their room and concealed the mark. Hopefully her family would still have an appetite. She came back to find that Sandy, Ryan and Hailey were eating poolside, while Seth was in the kitchen, helping himself to some coffee.

"Hey, why's everyone outside?" she asked, helping herself to a mug.

"Yeah, they, um, left so we could, um, talk," said Seth, uncomfortably. He never really talked with his mother. Not about his feelings or what he thought, just usual ramblings and sarcastic remarks. Kirsten nodded and sighed as she sat down at the table, waiting for him, coffee in hand.

"This is about me being back isn't it? About the rehab? The drinking?" she asked, sipping at her coffee. Seth walked toward her, his gaze at the floor and nodded. Kirsten sighed. She didn't know how to approach the subject without breaking down or going into hysterics. She had left her family and for that, she believed, she had no excuse.

"Mom, I don't know… about things… between us. Are we… okay?" he asked, taking a seat next to her.

"They are… or will be… only if you want them to be. I know I shouldn't have left you or put this on you. You didn't need to be abandoned by your mother. I'm sorry, Seth. I'm so sorry. Sandy told me you felt as if somehow this was your fault. Honey, it wasn't. I screwed up. Me. Seth. I'm sorry. I never meant to put you through this. But sweetheart, it's not your fault. It never has been," she blurted out, tears forming in her eyes. She looked away, ashamed. She felt warmth upon her hand. Seth rubbed her hand, reassuringly but unsure at the same time.

"I just… I should have noticed what was going on. I should have been there, at least attempted to protect you. Been a little more supportive. A little less focused on me. Mom. I let you down," said Seth, tears beginning to form in his own eyes. Kirsten's heart broke as she pulled him into a deep hug.

"Seth, baby, no, no, no, no. You didn't let me down, honey. You were part of the reason I went and got help. Baby, when you stood in the kitchen doorway and asked me to get help. I knew I had to do it. Sandy, Ryan and Hailey, yes, they were reason, too but you were the determining factor, Seth. I was in deep denial when the three had finished. But you, you Seth, you made everything come together. What Hailey said, what Ryan and Sandy said. You made me realize I had to go. I did it for my family. For you, Seth. You didn't let me down. It breaks my heart to know you feel that way. But you didn't let me down, sweetie. You and Ryan and Hailey and Sandy. You saved me. I'm sorry, Seth. I'm so, so sorry, baby," she wept into his shoulder, "Forgive me." The last line came out as a whisper, Kirsten unable to compose herself any longer.

Seth let his tears flow freely as he clung to his mother. "Mom. There's nothing to be forgiven. I love you." Kirsten pulled away from the hug and smiled as she wiped some of his tears away. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, murmuring, "I love you, too Seth." She resumed the hug, each closing their eyes, savoring the moment.

Sandy, Hailey and Ryan stood at the doorway, empty plates and mugs in hand. They smiled. A genuine Mother-Son, Kirsten-Seth bonding moment. This was rarely ever seen and this was it at it's best. Ryan's gaze altered from Seth and Kirsten to the floor. _Would I have a moment like this with Kirsten? Mother-Son? Even if I'm not really her son?_


	4. The New Beginning

**A big thank you goes out to everyone who reviewed our story. We're glad you liked it, after all we write for you, our peers. D We know many of you want to see a Kirsten-Ryan bonding moment and unfortunately it is not quite here yet. This chapter focuses on Hailey and Kirsten, with a few Kandy moments snuck in. Again, thank you for reviewing. Keep it up! As long as people out there are reading, we will keep writing. edit The once steamy scene has been moved to Back to You: Uncovered.**

Sandy, Hailey and Ryan stood at the doorway, empty plates and mugs in hand. They smiled. A genuine Mother-Son, Kirsten-Seth bonding moment. This was rarely ever seen and this was it at it's best. Ryan's gaze altered from Seth and Kirsten to the floor. _Would I have a moment like this with Kirsten? Mother-Son? Even if I'm not really her son?_

Sandy was the first to break the silence with a "Kirsten isn't a hugger, you know," to Hailey and Ryan, motioning for them to place their dishes in the dishwasher. Kirsten sniffled as she let out a light laugh.

"Honey, you always did know how to ruin a moment," she said, taking the napkin lying on the table.

Sandy smiled,"So what is everyone up to today?"

"Uh, I don't know the girls are coming over to say hi to you, Mom. I'm assuming bearing gifts," said Seth, pretending he never shed a tear.

"What about you, Hail?" asked Kirsten, refilling her mug with coffee.

"Uh, yeah, Kiks. I have to talk to you about that one. I, kind of am packed already. My plane leaves in a few hours," said Hailey, putting her coffee down on the island. The family stared at her; Sandy, in disbelief, Seth, in shock, Ryan, in sadness and Kirsten, broken hearted. Sandy didn't want her to leave. Her presence was good for Kirsten. And although he didn't like to admit it, he liked Hailey, grown up Hailey, who had matured greatly in a matter of months but was still as much fun as she used to be. Seth had missed his aunt. He usually did when she left but her returns always made him smile. They had a connection. They were family, aunt and nephew, even if they were only years apart in age. They related to one another and shared intimate jokes with each other. Ryan had grown close to Hailey in the past few days. They shared a bond deeper than they knew. They were polar opposites. He was serious and had always been, she was fun loving and was rarely serious. Each was struggling to find a balance in the two. They were connected, whether they knew or not.

Kirsten stared at her sister, "Hailey. I thought we could spend some time together. As sisters, you know, shopping, the spas, going down to the Plaza to look at lin—that's beside the point. Why are you leaving so soon?"

"It's not that I don't want to stay. I left work very suddenly when I found out you were coming home. I was on the first plane to Newport but I also left behind some unfinished business, literally. They want me back as soon as possible. They need me over there, Kiks. I'm sorry."

"Doesn't it matter that _I _need you? Hail, stay. Please?" begged Kirsten, moving closer to Hailey.

"Kiks, I wish I could, really I do. I would love nothing more than to stay here and be with you and the family but I can't. I, really, can't stay here for a lot longer…" Kirsten looked at the ground, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Hailey saw this and thought for a moment. _She really does need me. But so does the company. Great, this is why work isn't as much fun as doing nothing. I'll do this for her, then. Hopefully, nothing bad comes out of it. _"I can't stay another day but I can stay for a few more hours. I'm sure the company won't mind if I'm a little delayed. That's all though, Kiks, a few more hours." Kirsten's eyes lit up as she hugged her sister, tightly.

"That's fine. Oh, Hailey, let me just get dressed, okay?" said Kirsten, excited. Everyone smiled as she walked out of the room, a little spring in her step. They hadn't seen her that excited in months.

"Where do you think you two will be going?" asked Sandy.

"I don't know. The spa, probably, then South Coast Plaza to look at lin—I guess I should cancel my flight," said Hailey, shrugging.

An hour later, Kirsten emerged dressed in a pair of fitted jeans and an even tighter black tank top, white ribbon that crossed in front on her chest, accenting her features and tied at the back, her purse in her hand. The click of her heels could be heard as she strut through the house, smiling. Maybe things were turning out for the best post-rehab. She walked into the kitchen, greeted by stares from her entire family. "What?" she asked.

"Mom, no. You have got to, no. Ryan, could you…?" asked Seth, turning away. _Ew._

"Uh, Kirsten, uh. No, man," said Ryan, shying away and looking at Seth.

"Kiks, what are you wearing?" asked Hailey, walking around her, looking her over.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Kirsten, looking down at herself. She had tried something new. She thought it would be a good idea to go toward a new direction. New start, new clothes, well, old clothes. She hadn't worn the tank top since she was in her 20s or was it 30s? The age escaped her, but she just wanted to change it up a little.

"You know, I never thought I'd say this to you but, you're hot!"

"I… Excuse me?"

"Kiks, you, my dear sister, are hot!" said Hailey, slapping Kirsten's rear. Kirsten jumped as Hailey asked, "Sandy? What do you think?" Everyone turned to look at Sandy, who had not uttered a word the entire time. He was still frozen, staring at his wife, dressed like she hadn't been since they were years younger. He missed the way she used to dress, not that he didn't like her now. Her look more conservative but a little sexy but today was completely different and he liked it. He, really, liked it. "Sandy?"

"Honey, can I see you in private for a moment?" he asked, taking her by the elbow, gently walking her to the hall.

"Someone's going to get in trouble," Seth snickered. Hailey laughed.

"Yeah, right, Seth. Trouble," said Hailey, shaking her head at the boy. _Idiot._

They didn't have time to do what they had wanted. Hailey had interrupted them, leaving a frustrated Sandy and Kirsten struggling to fix their hair. Well, leaving a frustrated Kirsten to fix her hair.

Sandy and Kirsten walked toward the door, hand in hand, when the doorbell rang. Seth answered with Ryan close behind him. It was the girls. Summer and Marissa had come, bearing gifts as Seth had predicted. Summer was covered in flowers, while Marissa was holding a stuffed Care Bear and a balloon. "Hi girls," said Kirsten, smiling brightly at them.

"Hey Kirsten, good to see you," replied Marissa, handing Kirsten the bear and the balloon. Kirsten smiled handing the gifts to Sandy and then turning to the taller girl and giving her a hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. She pulled away from the hug and looked at Summer, smiling.

"Hey, Mrs. Cohen," said Summer, looking at Kirsten then passing the flowers to Sandy, who was juggling all the gifts. Kirsten laughed as she took the younger girl in her arms.

"Summer, please, call me Kirsten. 'Mrs. Cohen' from my son's girlfriend makes me feel old,"

"Okay, Mrs. Co—oops, um Kirsten. And you're not old, by the way, you're way too young to have a son like that, " she laughed nervously.

"Thanks. Uh, Summer, I, uh wanted to apologize about what happened at my father's funeral. I know you only wanted to help and I wasn't exactly the nicest person toward you. I shouldn't have addressed you like that. I should have thanked you instead, which I never properly did. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry for the way I acted and thank you for your concern," Kirsten said, taking her into her arms, again.

"It was no problem, really, Kirsten. You're Seth's mother and I wanted to help. Maybe, this time around, we'll, um, maybe get to know each other?"

Kirsten nodded, "I'd like that."

"Hey, sis, you ready?" asked Hailey, wandering into the room, keys in hand.

"Uh, yeah. Girls, thanks again for everything. I'll talk to you both soon. Lunch, maybe? Sometime this week?"

Both girls nodded as Hailey said her goodbyes to the boys and to Sandy before turning and leaving, waiting outside for Kirsten. The boys left with their significant others as Hailey yelled for Kirsten once more. She sighed and smiled as she turned to look at Sandy. She laughed at the sight of him.

"Honey, I guess I'll see you in a few hours," said Kirsten, leaning in to kiss her husband before turning around and leaving the house.

Sandy stood, arms still full of Kirsten's gifts, "Help? Anyone?"

Kirsten and Hailey first hit the spa. No words were spoken. They just needed each other. As sisters. Hailey's presence made Kirsten feel a lot better. It hurt her to know that all these years that she had been scolding Hailey about her drugs, drinking and partying, she had been the one not to listen to her own advice. It hurt her to know that she hurt her sister but she was glad she was here. Hailey had forgiven her and they were allowed a fresh start, even if it was for only a few hours. They could become close again, a lot closer. Not acting like mother and daughter, however strange that was but like sisters, real sisters, which meant Kirsten could ask her advice and perhaps ask for a favor…?

"Hail?" asked Kirsten, looking over at her sister, driving the car toward the airport.

"Yeah?"

"Could we maybe stop at the Plaza for a minute? I need to pick something up and, er, I need your input on something," she hesitated, looking awkwardly at the road ahead.

"Uh, sure. What are you picking up? And what is it that Kirsten Cohen needs input on?" asked Hailey, raising an eyebrow at her sister, who was now fidgeting in her seat.

"Something for Sandy and uh, something for, uh, Sandy,"

"Oooh, and what are these somethings?"

Kirsten swallowed hard and mumbled incoherently, "Handcuffs."

Even though Kirsten had spoken in a quiet mumble, she knew what her sister was talking about. You could say it was a sibling connection that they had developed even though they were so far apart. She had a sense about these things. Also, Hailey knew her sister. The only thing that really made her uncomfortable was sex and anything revolving around sex. Hailey laughed aloud, the car swerving a little. Kirsten gasped and hung onto the car as Hailey calmed herself down and slowed the car down.

"Hailey! The road! Look, I can't go into that shop and pick it up myself, so I was wondering, if you could for me?"

Hailey looked at Kirsten and nodded. Kirsten was blushing madly as she tried to gather her courage to talk to her about her next question. She grabbed her purse; pulling out the present Sandy had given her. Hailey looked down to see what she was doing and gasped.

"Kiks, tell me that's not what I think it is!" she exclaimed, still managing to keep the car going at a steady pace and on the road.

Kirsten nodded, "It's lingerie. Sandy bought it for me and, well, I think it's a little too small. What am I supposed to do with it?"

Hailey parked the car and picked up the garments; black bra with matching underwear, which was significantly smaller than Kirsten had obviously expected and a very sheer lacy thing to go overtop. She held it up as Kirsten began to blush again, pulling it down from Hailey's grasp. Hailey laughed as she once again took the garments but this time held the bra and panties against Kirsten. "Sweetie, it's not too small. I'm sure it'll fit you. Look. And it's supposed to be this small. That's kind of the point. Jeez, you'd think you'd never worn any before," said Hailey, noticing Kirsten's look of confusion at the black lingerie and at her sister, "Oh wow. You never have, have you?" Kirsten shook her head.

"It doesn't cover anything! I just wear it like that? The panties are ridiculously small, I mean that's got to start somewhere below my hips. And yeah, Sandy and I never really did the lingerie thing. We sort of just did—" Kirsten stopped noticing the look of disgust on her sister's face, "Let's just get this over with." Hailey nodded as they both walked toward the store. Hailey bought the item and didn't bother putting it in a bag. Kirsten was embarrassed enough without having to flaunt it with a bag with the store's name posted in large letters on it. Kirsten drove the car on the way to the airport, dropping Hailey off. They hugged one last time and said their tearful goodbyes. Kirsten drove home to find a surprise waiting for her in the living room.

"Dawn. Hi."

**But please be patient, we're writing the chapter with a Kirsten-Ryan relationship surprise.**


	5. The Mother and Son

Here's the next chapter of the story. It's a very Cohen-Atwood family drama. This chapter contains a Kirsten-Ryan relationship surprise and a little Seth-Kirsten bonding.

"Dawn. Hi."

Kirsten put her purse and the box aside on the table as she approached Dawn who was sitting across from Ryan on the sofa. Dawn looked up at Kirsten, a look of disgust on her face as she took her hand in greeting. Kirsten leaned for a cheek-to-cheek welcome, as Dawn pulled away and motioned for Kirsten to sit down. She took a seat next to Ryan and asked, "How are you?"

"I don't think that's really what we need to talk about here, Kirsten," replied Dawn, angrily. Ryan looked up and gave Dawn a cold stare. Kirsten noticed this and asked him to them some bottled water.

Ryan walked into the kitchen where Seth and Sandy were waiting. Sandy looked up, mid-schmear. "What's going on?" asked Sandy, passing the cream cheesed bagel to Seth. Seth nodded as he bit into it.

"I don't know she said she wanted to talk to her," said Ryan, opening the fridge and reaching in for two identical bottles of water.

"She looks a little angry," said Sandy, beginning on another bagel for himself.

"Should we really leave mom in there with her, then?" asked Seth, still munching.

"I don't know but I was sent in here to get water. I think they want some time alone," said Ryan, looking back at the living room.

"What's going on, Dawn?" asked Kirsten, crossing her legs and un-crossing them, clearly uncomfortable. Something was wrong. She could feel it. There was an odd tension in the air that made her feel uneasy.

"I think we need to talk about what's been going on with you, Kirsten," said Dawn, standing suddenly.

"What?" said Kirsten, remaining seated but shocked at the confrontation in the other woman's voice.

"I trusted you to take care of him."

"Excuse me? I am taking care of him," Kirsten was taken aback. Clearly, Dawn was accusing her of something. Kirsten didn't like where this was leading. Not one bit.

"Whoa! You can hear everything!" said Seth, excitedly.

"Son, don't eavesdrop," said Sandy, moving closer to the entrance to the living room.

"But you are," countered Seth, staring at his father.

"Shhh! Dawn's harping on your mom."

"Dad? Harping?" said Seth, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Shhh!" Sandy was now enthusiastically gesturing for his son to calm down. _I need to hear this. I need to know when to jump in. Knowing Dawn, this conversation can't be good. _

"Let me guess, he's like a son to you? Ha! I remember seeing somewhere in the paper that Kirsten Cohen has a drinking problem,"

"I guess you didn't read that I got help for it. Something you neglected to do."

"Wow, I didn't know mom spoke back like that, so quick," said Seth, surprised at his mom's likeness to the rest of the family. What happened to Waspy McWasp, so polite and endearing?

"Well, son, she's been married to me for 20 years. She's known you for 17 years. What do you expect? She was bound to learn something from us," replied Sandy, smiling proudly at his wife. She really was a Cohen. She seemed to be more like Caleb Nichol a lot of the time, except for random moments where you could see why Seth turned out the way he was. Sandy was a natural funnyman and Kirsten was the more drawn-in type. However, when Kirsten did show her Cohen side, it wouldn't be long before Seth would say the same thing. Sandy reminisced at New Year's Eve two years ago. Seth had mentioned to Hailey that he was going to stay home and watch Dick Clark and the ball drop, where he had immediately said "Two things that should not be said he same sentence." Sandy had then seen Kirsten, moments later, explaining to Hailey that they were going to the Arches and then staying home to watch Dick Clark and the ball drop, where she had immediately said "Two images that should not be put in the same sentence." This was a proud moment for Sandy. They were rubbing off on her. She was becoming more and more like Sandy and Seth Cohen everyday.

"Don't put this back on me. I didn't drink my family away," said Dawn, whose voice had gotten a little louder.

"Really? Because if my memory serves me, you left Ryan with me because you couldn't take care of him," replied Kirsten, who had now gotten up and begun to raise her voice to match the other woman's.

"That was two years ago things change."

"Yes, Dawn, things change, I've changed. I don't drink anymore."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's true." Dawn rolled her eyes as she began to pace slightly.

"Don't act like I don't deserve a second chance. We gave you one." Kirsten eyed the woman, as her pacing grew more and more obvious. Dawn was clearing growing angrier.

"Yeah and then you took my son from me," Dawn pointed at Kirsten with a harsh tone as she glared into her eyes.

"You left him, more than once and he forgave you every time. I don't understand why you're acting this way. What's going on, Dawn? Really?" Kirsten's voice had softened. She chose to believe that she was hiding something. She wasn't meaning to accuse her. She wasn't trying to hurt her. There was something going on. There had to be.

"Nothing's going on. I want my son back. I realize that leaving him with you wasn't the best idea. You're even worse than I was,"

"How dare you insult me in my own home. Who do you think you are?" Kirsten began to yell as tears began to sting at her eyes. _No one is taking him away from me._

"His mother. Now get out of my way so I can tell MY son that we're leaving!" Dawn began to walk toward Kirsten, who was blocking her way away from the sofas.

"No. No, you're not. You've been drinking, haven't you?" It was Kirsten's turn to insult her. Something had to be making her act this way.

"Get out of my way. I haven't been drinking."

"High then?" Kirsten asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Something you should know a lot about."

"Excuse me?"

"Get out of my way. Look here, Kirsten, you drunken little bitch, Ryan's coming back with me. He doesn't need you to screw him up all over again," growled Dawn, clearly seething.

"Don't you dare continue what the hell you're saying. You're not taking him away from me. I won't allow it. Now, get out of my house, you SON OF A BITCH!" yelled Kirsten. She felt the lump in her throat grow larger as tears stung her eyes. She was beginning to lose control. The thought of losing Ryan was hard enough without Dawn implying harsh things.

"You broke his heart, princess. He doesn't look at you the way he used to. I can see it in his eyes. He doesn't look at you the same way and you know it," Dawn smiled as Kirsten took her place back on the sofa. Dawn was right. He didn't look at her the same way anymore. It was different now post-rehab. Kirsten hadn't been able to put her finger on it but he certainly didn't look at her the way he used to.

"Please stop." Kirsten was whispering now as she wondered about her relationship with Ryan. _He couldn't hate me, could he?_

"He's my son, baby. You've been nothing but a bad influence on him with the drinking. Ryan's been through enough don't you think?" Dawn looked down at the shrinking form before her and smiled, smugly. _That's for thinking that you, the amazing Kirsten Cohen, could keep my son away from me. You're nothing. Nothing at all._

"Stop it." She continued to whisper as a silent tear fell from her blue eye.

"So far, I've heard that he's gotten into more trouble with you than he did with me. So who's the bad mother in all this?"

"That isn't true! I'm not a bad mot—" Kirsten's head snapped up as she replied angrily to the accusation.

"You've screwed him over, Kirsten. YOU!" yelled Dawn, triumphantly. _The beautiful, invincible Kirsten Cohen's been brought down off her pedestal. She's no better than I am. Ryan loves me. Not her._

"Please." Kirsten begged as more tears slid down her face as she drew her gaze to the floor.

"You're a terrible mother who will never amount to anything." Dawn was slowly but surely breaking Kirsten's heart and she was enjoying every moment of it. She liked the thought of being better than Kirsten Cohen, the rich, beautiful, kind woman that everyone aspired to be and everyone wanted to be around. She looked down at her. This was Kirsten Cohen, pathetic, sad and a bad mother.

"Stop it." A small sob escaped her lips as she wiped away some tears. _Ryan. I'm sorry._

"Your son left you," A knife through the heart. "My son left you." Twist. "What do you suppose all that means?" she asked as Kirsten broke down completely. So this was it. Kirsten Cohen was weak.

"STOP IT! PLEASE, STOP IT!" cried Kirsten, as her voice became loud sobs. She buried her face in her hands and cried. _I couldn't have. Could I? I'm sorry, Ryan. Seth. I'm sorry. _

"STOP IT! Mom, are you okay?" Ryan had run into the room, followed by Seth and Sandy, as his gaze altered between Dawn and Kirsten, his voice cold and harsh. Kirsten looked up at him. She had lost him. He was telling her to stop her crying and to leave his mother alone. He was asking his mom, Dawn, if she was okay. She had lost her Ryan forever. Kirsten couldn't handle this and ran toward the kitchen. Her body ran into a solid one that held her as she cried. She recognized the familiar scent as she let go completely. _I've lost our Ryan._

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sandy. I've lost him. I've lost our Ryan!" she sobbed into his chest. Sandy and Seth stood at the entrance to the kitchen, Kirsten in his arms. Seth ran his hand up and down his mother's arm as he stared, menacingly at Dawn. The two attempted to soothe Kirsten's pain but the cries didn't stop. The tension in the air was thick and all that could be heard was Kirsten's muffled sobs.

Dawn and Ryan stood in the center of the room, Dawn smiling proudly at what she had done. She had ruined the famous Kirsten Cohen and had taken away from her, a son.

"Stop yelling at her. Do you hear me? You stop yelling at her. She's been more of a mother to me in the last two and some odd years than you have in my entire life," growled Ryan. Kirsten looked up at Sandy. Her eyes asking him if she had just heard what she thought she had heard. He nodded smiling.

"You haven't lost him," said Sandy, stroking his wife's hair. Kirsten turned around, Sandy's arms still wrapped around her, Seth, still touching his mother's arm, reassuringly.

"Kid, you don't know what you're saying, you're just a child. And I'm your mother." Dawn leaned forward and grabbed Ryan's arm.

"No, you're not. You abandoned that position when you left me the first time. You leave her alone," said Ryan, jerking his arm away from her, disgusted.

"What are you saying here, sweetie?" asked Dawn, innocently looking at Ryan. _I've done nothing wrong. It's your fault isn't it, Kirsten?_ Dawn glared at Kirsten, who met her glance and gave the same glare back. Sandy and Seth noticed this and stared along with Kirsten. Dawn would be outnumbered in the vicious staring game. Family came first.

"She did what you never did. She got help for me. She fixed her mistake and you kept making the same one over and over. You abandoned me. She never did. She's making it better. All better. Don't you dare speak to her that way, again. Get out." Ryan motioned for her to leave. Tears began to fall down Kirsten's cheeks again. She hadn't lost him. He was defending her.

"I love you, honey." Dawn stepped closer to Ryan and he stepped back. He was moving toward Kirsten, she discovered and further away from her. _It can't be. _

"And I love her," said Ryan, motioning to Kirsten. Her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't believe what she had just heard.

"What?" asked Kirsten, in disbelief. _I love you?_ He had never said that to her before. The only time he had implied he loved her, he sounded hesitant and he was supporting Sandy's decision to send to rehab.

"I love you mom." Ryan took her hands in his as he wiped a tear from her face with his other hand. He looked into her eyes as Sandy and Seth exchanged glances and smiled. Dawn looked taken back.

"Did you just…?" Kirsten was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. Ryan knew what she was to say. They bonded that way. They were far more alike than they realized. Other than the odd resemblance, they were quiet, thoughtful, serious people, contrary to Sandy and Seth, who were loud, outspoken and full of humor. Ryan and Kirsten knew how to handle a joke but making them was a little out of their league other than the random opportunities that they had. Kirsten understood what it meant to be away from society. Sure, she was a Newpsie but not like the others. She didn't base her life on social events and gatherings or on the scandals that seemed to be attracted by Newport. Just like Ryan and the family. He was part of it but wasn't really like the others. Kirsten understood this every time he hesitated to spend long quality time with them. She would always give him the "You fit here" look that made his uncertainties go away. They were alike. In more ways than one, they were like mother and son.

"If that's okay. I didn't mean to assu…" Ryan looked down and his hands dropped to his sides as he stuttered.

"You thought right, Ryan. I love you, too… son," she replied. It was her turn; she lifted his face with her fingers and kissed his forehead. She ran her finger over where her lips had been and then through his hair. _Son. _Sandy put his arm around Seth and squeezed. His family was whole and this time it was out in the open that they loved each other. Every single one of them loved each other, openly.

"What about me? Don't forget me, Ryan. I love you," said Dawn, interrupting the Cohen family moment in front of her. She tried to hide her anger toward them as she tried to reach Ryan.

Ryan walked closely to her, his face inches from hers as he spat "Get out. Now. Don't ever come back. Not if you're going to hurt her." He turned around, leaving Dawn, dumbfounded at Ryan's confrontation and harshness. He meant it. Ryan walked out toward the pool house, confused about what he was feeling. He had thrown Dawn out of his life and accepted the Cohen family as his own. Kirsten as his mother, Sandy, his father and Seth, his brother.

Dawn walked angrily toward Kirsten, who stood staring wide-eyed, unable to move. Dawn's hand began to swing backward. _She's going to hit her,_ thought Sandy as he stepped in front of her, taking Dawn's attack, a punch in the face. Kirsten gasped as Seth rushed forward, pulling Dawn away from his parents. Sandy's eyes gleamed with anger as he yelled, "Get out! How dare you try and hit my wife! She's been nothing but—"

Sandy's rant was cut short by Kirsten's hand across Dawn's face, "You should be ashamed of yourself. If you love him, let him do what he wants. Don't come after my family or me, again. Do you hear me? Leave. Now." Kirsten turned around and began to walk away as she felt someone grab her arm and then a hand across her face. Sandy and Seth hadn't had time to react. Kirsten's face was bright red, where Dawn had slapped her, her head tilted to one side, her hair falling around her, a tear sliding down her hot cheek. Sandy restrained Dawn and forced her out of the house. Seth ran and got his parents ice packs, her hand must've been burning and so must've her face, his too. Kirsten and Seth were seated on a couch, his arm around her.

Sandy smiled at the sight of his wife and his son. She looked up at him and nodded. He looked into her eyes, "I'm going to check in on Ryan." She nodded again as he took the ice pack from Seth and walked toward the pool house.

Seth looked at his parents, confused, "Why is dad going? Shouldn't you be the one to talk to him?"

Kirsten sighed, massaging her face with the cool ice, "He knows I want to calm down first. I don't want for you boys to see me cry." She sniffled, wiping off the remaining tears from her face. She was done crying for the day. She was sure that would be the last they saw of Dawn. She hoped she was right. Dawn couldn't come after them for custody of Ryan, knowing she had nothing to offer him compared to what they had to offer, she had already abandoned him twice and he had chosen not to live with her. Kirsten smiled. He was theirs, forever.

"It's a little late for that, mom," said Seth, startling his mother out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You've cried amazingly hysterically more than once in the time you've been back. Twice or thrice the day you left, twice or thrice when you returned. I never knew Kirsten Cohen cried so much."

"Oh Seth," Kirsten laughed but then she became serious, "I—this whole mom thing. Is it okay with you if Ryan decides—"

"To actually start calling you and dad… mom and dad? Yeah. We talked about it once. He considers you his parents but he never said he was going to start addressing you as such but its fine with me. That'll make him seem like more of a brother and more like part of the family," interrupted Seth. Kirsten smiled and leaned into her son's arms. He kissed her forehead.

"Yeah. Part of the family," she sighed. They were a family; Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan. Family. Kirsten savored the thought of her family, her completely little family, which through everything never broke.

"Does that mean I get to start calling you and dad, Kirsten and Sandy?" asked Seth, breaking the moment.

"Nice try," Kirsten laughed. The thought of Seth calling her Kirsten was something she had never thought of before. It would be a funny little change.

"Oh please," begged Seth, "Kirsten! Ooo. Nice ring to it." Seth laughed aloud, testing the waters. Kirsten eyed him, jokingly. _I know how to get you back._

"Well, that's rad, son," said Kirsten, smugly.

"Kirsten, no," Seth shook his head, repeatedly as Kirsten smiled, "No."

"No? No rad? How 'bout tight? Dope?" asked Kirsten, mockingly making "cool" gestures at her son. Seth stared at her, appalled. _Oh. My. God._

"Kiki, no," said Seth, who immediately noticed his mother, who first looked shocked and then countered with a head tilt, pout and a double peace sign, "Fine. Mom it is, Kirsten. Just never do that, AGAIN!"

Kirsten laughed as she smacked Seth's shoulder playfully. She liked this. It was moments like this that had made her want to come home. Her boys, Seth and Ryan, who never ceased to make her laugh and her man, Sandy, who never ceased to make her feel like she was the only woman in the world, even after everything that had happened. Post-rehab life wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. In fact, it was a lot better. She leaned in and kissed Seth's temple. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I love you, Seth." She closed her eyes as she heard him say quietly, "I love you, too, mom."

The next chapter should build on the Kirsten-Ryan relationship as well as a little Sandy-Ryan time.


	6. The Brooding Son

**Hello, Everyone. We are truly sorry it has been taking us so long to update however, on Halloween we celebrated our 4th anniversary. We didn't get an opportunity to work the fic together but today we finally got the chance, away from the stress of high school. Graduating year bites. Hahaha. Anyway, here is the next chapter, as promised it is a Kirsten-Ryan focused chapter as well as Sandy-Ryan bonding. Thank you goes to those who reviewed. Keep it up. Thank you again and Enjoy.**

Kirsten laughed as she smacked Seth's shoulder playfully. She liked this. It was moments like this that had made her want to come home. Her boys, Seth and Ryan, who never ceased to make her laugh and her man, Sandy, who never ceased to make her feel like she was the only woman in the world, even after everything that had happened. Post-rehab life wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. In fact, it was a lot better. She leaned in and kissed Seth's temple. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I love you, Seth." She closed her eyes as she heard him say quietly, "I love you, too, mom."

Sandy knocked, peeping his head cautiously into the pool house. His heart softened as he saw his son, sitting on the edge of his bed, hands supporting his head. Ryan was still a boy. He had never gotten the opportunity to be a child. He had had to deal with his mother's drinking, his father's crimes and his brother's delinquencies. He had never been allowed to play in the front yard with a ball or experience that most difficult transition from childhood to adolescence and from there to adulthood. He had come from being a child to becoming completely responsible for his family, cooking, cleaning, making sure his mother was in bed after becoming drunk, and taking care of the wounds her various boyfriends would inflict on them. Ryan had been forced to grow up, unable to ever express his feelings because it would weaken him and destroy the family. But things were different now; he wasn't the parent in the family. He was the son, allowed to be free to do whatever it was youth did. Ryan looked up into Sandy's eyes. Sandy nodded and shut the door behind him, taking a seat next to Ryan. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, letting the emotions die down. Ryan was the first to speak, "Is Mo—Kirsten okay?"

Sandy stared at him. Ryan was still unsure about referring to them as his parents. If it was okay for him to do so, if it was okay with them. He didn't want to impose. Ryan saw the look of pain on Sandy's face and his gaze became attracted to his feet.

"Kid, you don't have to—" began Sandy.

"I know but I don't know," interrupted Ryan.

"Kirsten wants to be your mother. She has for such a long time."

"It didn't seem like it when we met," said Ryan.

Sandy laughed aloud as he remembered Kirsten's hostility toward Ryan at the beginning. However, he noticed that right away Kirsten felt something for him. He noticed it in the way she looked at him. There had always been something there for the boy; she just didn't know what it was. She had always found herself being concerned for him. When his mother left, she felt for him. When he had gotten back in to juvenile jail, her heart broke when she had seen the conditions he was living in, she wanted to take him in her arms and bring him home. She never understood as to how she always felt like she needed to protect him. She connected to him in a way she never understood. "She cared about you the moment you met. I know it didn't seem like it but she was insecure. She wanted to protect you from everything when she realized what you had gone through and what you were going through. She just didn't know how this would change Seth and when she realized that you were good for him, she let go of all of that. She was more open to you and she let herself get attached to you. She relates to you, Ryan. She loves you so much, I'm pretty sure it scares her. You remember that day you left for Chino with Theresa? She cried the moment she walked into the pool house. She never wanted to hurt you or to make you feel like you didn't belong here. She loves you, son," said Sandy, putting his arms around. Ryan looked up at him. _Son._ His eyes met Sandy's and pleaded with his to give him an answer about himself.

Sandy nodded and smiled, "You reminded me of me when I was a kid. Young, misunderstood, and never really had an opportunity to better the situation. And then I met you and my childhood came flooding back to me. I felt connected to you, too. It was odd, all these kids, who just needed someone to guide him or her in the world and you were the one that hit me hardest. I couldn't deny you. I worried about you like there was no tomorrow. I always needed to make sure you were alright. That's why I followed you into your house that day when your mother left your house. There was something about you. You were the young Sandy Cohen." Ryan laughed and Sandy smiled again.

"Thanks."

"You're a man a few words, Ryan," said Sandy, giving him a pat on the back. Ryan nodded again, smiling. Sandy laughed.

They sat in a comfortable silence again, enjoying the company of one another. Sandy was the first to break the silence causing Ryan to laugh. _Lawyers really do like to talk._ "Honestly, I think it's fate that you came to us. You're such a combination of Kirsten and I, that it's a little scary. You have my past and are so much like the younger me but so much you reminds me of Kirsten, too. Actually, you know what's funny. You're so much like Kirsten, how you never came out of her, I'll never know," said Sandy, staring at Ryan. They were very alike, in more ways than one. They did look similar, blue eyes with random flecks of brown and green. Their eyes changed with whatever they wore, from blue to green to dark turquoise. That was one of the things Sandy loved most about Kirsten. Her eyes. They also had the same smile that warmed up a room and made them look so cute. They had a silent presence that made the world stop spinning and it's problems to disappear. Ryan stared back at Sandy in disbelief.

"Oh dad, that's disgusting!" Ryan suddenly laughed. Sandy was shocked.

"And becoming more and more like Seth everyday," he laughed, shoving his son lightly. Ryan muttered a "That's just wrong," as he shoved him back. The boys lightly play fought as Kirsten walked up to the door of the pool house. She paused listening to the laughter before her. She quietly opened the door and peered in. She smiled as tears began to fill up in her eyes again. She cleared her throat, hating that she was interrupting such a moment but she was dying to speak to Ryan. She just wanted to know how he felt.

Ryan and Sandy looked up. Sandy had somehow managed to get Ryan in a headlock. Kirsten laughed aloud at the sight in front of them and shook her head, whispering, "Boys."

Sandy looked into Kirsten's eyes and nodded. She needed this; to know where she stood with him and how he felt about everything. She had already had the talk with one of her sons. She just needed to make sure he was okay, with everything.

Sandy kissed Ryan's temple and gave him a loving pat on the back as he walked over to his wife and kissed her gently, but not lingering. "Hey, Kirsten," sighed Ryan. A shot through the heart. A pained looked was painted across Kirsten's porcelain face. Sandy took one last glance at Kirsten and Ryan before stepping out. _He'll figure it out for himself, then._

She took a seat on the bed, her back against the pillows. She motioned for him to join her. He sat next to her uncomfortably. He knew he had hurt her when he called her "Kirsten" but he didn't know what else to do. He just wasn't sure about her yet. Neither of them spoke, each trying to figure out where to start. Kirsten longed to ask him why he had reverted back to referring to her as "Kirsten" and he longed to ask her where they stood. Ryan was the first to speak, shocking Kirsten. He had never been a boy of many words. He was changing. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"For earlier. I didn't mean to impose or assume that I could call you that without talking to you about it first. I know you were just trying to be polite and with Dawn being there and everything. You just didn't want her to think that she was above you and everything. And I'm just sorry," blurted Ryan, staring at the edge of the bed. Kirsten was hurt.

"How could you?" she asked, attempting to hide the lump in her throat.

"What?" he asked, looking at her. _So it's true. You don't want me as your son._

"How could you think that I'm that woman? I told you. You weren't imposing. You were right to assume me your mother. Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that?" began Kirsten.

"I…" he interrupted.

"No. Let me finish. It hurts me to think that you need permission to tell people how you feel or what you think but, baby, you need to realize that you're part of this family. You can't assume that I won't accept you calling me your mother or that it's imposing on this family because when we took you in to live with us, we were inviting you to be a part of it. It's been years, Ryan. I know I haven't said it much but I do love you and it hurts sometimes to know that you feel as if you don't belong or as if I don't love you. I wasn't trying to be polite in there. And I think that's what hurts me most. That you don't know me well enough to realize that I meant every word. To say that I was just trying to be polite makes me see that I haven't let you in enough. You don't know me enough and I don't know maybe that's my fault. But I would never, Ryan, never lie about my feelings just to be polite. It isn't me. I'm not heartless, Ryan. And I think what's worse is that you think that I'm trying to prove something to Dawn. I'm not even close to being that kind of woman, who thinks of beating out the other mothers, that I'm somehow better than she is, that I'm winning some sort of battle. I know she isn't the best person but I thank God everyday that she came into our lives," she took a breath, looking at Ryan, who had a puzzled look on his face. She hoped she was getting through to him. She needed him to understand that what she felt was genuine and that she wanted him to be her son so much that it hurt.

"You do?"

"Of course. Had it not been for her, I wouldn't have had you. I know that under the circumstances, it wasn't the best situation but in that dark cloud, her leaving you here was the silver lining. That's why I fought so hard in there. I couldn't lose you. Not again. When you left for Chino and I thought Seth was upstairs, I felt as if I had lost a part of me. Already, I considered you mine and you willingly left me. I had never been so broken hearted until Seth left and then it was like I wasn't whole anymore. There was only Sandy left and we didn't know how you two were or what you were doing or if you were alright," Kirsten's voice cracked as she choked on her tears, remembering that last dreadful summer. Ryan shifted closer to her, putting an arm around her.

"I'm so sorry for what I put you through."

She shook her head, "No. Don't be. You made me realize how much you really meant to me. I had had an idea of how much beforehand but it never really struck me until that day. Ryan. You can't simply assume that we don't care about you because biologically you aren't ours. I know that the saying goes 'Blood is thicker than water' but sweetie, in this case that doesn't matter. Whether or not I gave birth to you doesn't change how much I love you or whether or not you're my son." Kirsten looked into his eyes as she began to cry freely, gently sobbing as she tried to speak again. She took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her again, "Ryan. Baby, I love you so much and I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I didn't mean to make you live through another drunken nightmare. I'm sorry, Ryan. I love you." Her words were slurred between her sobs. She broke down completely as he allowed her to bury her face in his neck, her hand clutching at his shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around her, rubbing her arms gently. He felt his heart break as he held her. A tear found its way to his cheek. His first tear since he was a child. This shocked him. No one had ever made him cry and now holding her in his arms made him feel broken, knowing that she hurt so much. It was his turn to speak.

"Mom, you don't have to be sorry. Listen to me. I don't blame you. For anything. You saved me when I was lost. My mother abandoned me and you took me in. Dad told me how you had felt and why you were so hostile toward me. He told me you felt connected to me and that you felt as if you always needed to protect me and never truly understood why. You gave me everything. What happened to you was hard, yes, but you fixed it. You tried to change for our sake, mom. You did something she never did or attempted to do. When I first met you, I was jealous of what Seth had. You care so deeply about him, that's all I ever wanted and you gave me that. You gave me more than you could imagine. I'm sorry for leaving you that summer and for putting you through that but it made me realize how much I really cared for everyone and whom I really wanted to be with. I was miserable in Chino. I was far away from the home I had grown to love. When Dad came to see me I secretly hoped he was asking me to come home. I don't know, Kirsten, I just don't know where we stand on anything. Or what we are. I just…" Ryan was randomly, going back and forth between calling her Mom and calling her Kirsten. He was confused and he needed answers.

Kirsten's sobs subsided, allowing her to look into his eyes. She noticed the stray tear rolling down his cheek and rubbed it away with her thumb. "We will stand where you want to stand and we will be whatever you want us to be. You just need to tell me because listening to you, you can't seem to decide what to call me anymore. You just need to decide. You know how I feel. It's up to you. I will do whatever you want, Ryan. I just want you to be happy," she whispered, secretly praying they wanted the same thing. It would break her heart if he wanted to remain Kirsten and Ryan and not mother and son.

He remained pensive for a moment. _I want you to be my mother. I want to be your son. _"I… love you, mom." Kirsten cried tears of joy as she hugged him tightly. Her head was buried in his shoulder as she cried. It was official. He was her son and she was his mother. Whether or not Dawn or his father would return, nothing was going to change that. They pulled away smiling. She kissed his forehead and let him rest his head against her stomach, his arm draped around her middle. They lay in silence happily, as she stroked his hair gently. They finally shared a comfortable silence, where there was no tension, just sheer happiness. Eventually they fell asleep. Ryan had shifted back upwards. Kirsten lay on her side, with Ryan right behind her, his arm wrapped around her protectively.


	7. The Deliciousness

Due to certain issues, we will assume that Marissa still lives at Caleb's. Kirsten doesn't eat kiwis and Sandy doesn't eat peaches.

Chapter 7: The Deliciousness and the day they got their grooves back

He remained pensive for a moment. _I want you to be my mother. I want to be your son. _"I… love you, mom." Kirsten cried tears of joy as she hugged him tightly. Her head was buried in his shoulder as she cried. It was official. He was her son and she was his mother. Whether or not Dawn or his father would return, nothing was going to change that. They pulled away smiling. She kissed his forehead and let him rest his head against her stomach, his arm draped around her middle. They lay in silence happily, as she stroked his hair gently. They finally shared a comfortable silence, where there was no tension, just sheer happiness. Eventually they fell asleep. Ryan had shifted back upwards. Kirsten lay on her side, with Ryan right behind her, his arm wrapped around her protectively.

Marissa and Summer came over that night. They just wanted to make sure their boys were okay. They had all talked about the Kirsten situation many times but this time their hopes had finally become reality and she was home. Summer walked straight upstairs to Seth's room as Marissa was drawn completely to the pool house. She knocked gently and pushed open the door. She pulled the door closed behind her and looked up expecting to see Ryan sitting on the bed, looking back at her. She stood, trapped in her tracks. Ryan was in bed but sleeping, his arms around a girl. Ryan's chest was close against the girl's back protectively as his arm was draped over her waist, clutching her hand, seeming never to want to let go. She quickly gave the girl a look over. The blanket above them drew out the girl's figure. She was slender with a beautiful figure. Sexy, even. Her mass of blond hair covered her face. Marissa realized she recognized the figure but couldn't quite put her finger on which it was. She continued examining the girl. Her hair was slightly curled and shone beautifully. The girl was wearing a tight black tank top and was a few inches smaller than Ryan, obviously younger. _She's around our age; _she decided based on the attire the girl was wearing. She heard them begin to stir but she was still unable to get her legs to move away. Ryan whispered, "I love you" to the girl as he rolled onto his back, placing his arm beneath her. The girl groaned quietly and whispered, "I love you, too" as she rolled onto his arm and curled up against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. Marissa stood smiling, tears welling in her eyes. Kirsten wrapped her arm around Ryan, tightly, protectively. They were protecting each other in their sleep. Marissa wanted to laugh aloud at her paranoia. She knew the girl seemed familiar. Or woman, rather. Marissa gazed at Kirsten, lovingly. She had never seen her look so content. She glowed with happiness, which took years off of her. The door's sudden opening interrupted her thoughts. It was Sandy.

He smiled and laughed, "I would've been jealous if he wasn't my son. That would just be so wrong," he imitated Seth, forcing Marissa to laugh. Ryan and Kirsten woke up with a start. She smiled at Sandy and Marissa, who waved then looked up at Ryan, who was looking down at her, in that new way she had never understood. She did now. It was a look of complete love and admiration. She was his mother, now. Nothing would change that. Her eyes drifted to a close as he kissed her forehead gently. He lay there with her in silence as Sandy put an arm around Marissa, enjoying the moment. Ryan stroked her hair, watching her. _I love you, mom. I can't believe this is how I ended up. I'm so fortunate to have met you and Sandy and Seth. You have changed my life for the better. No more fights and drinking and drugs and crime. None of it. I never thought I'd ever live without all the drama my life brought to me and now it's a reality. I have a real family. Finally, I feel like I belong. Finally, I have a home. You may think you're not perfect but you are. This family is. _

Kirsten began to snore lightly. She had fallen back to sleep. Sandy laughed as he walked over to her and threw the blanket off. Kirsten clutched to Ryan for warmth. It was Marissa's turn to laugh. Kirsten had innocence about her, almost like a child, vulnerable. Marissa had never seen this side of her before. She had always put up a resilient, strong front and now; she seemed almost helpless in her quest for warmth. Sandy leaned on the bed as he gently put his arms beneath her. "Sandy?" she mumbled.

"Yeah, darling?"

"I'm cold."

"I'm taking you to bed," he said, scooping her into his arms.

She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in him, taking his scent in, smiling. She kissed his neck, gently, still groggy, "Don't get any ideas, Sandy. I'm tired and I'm not in the mood."

Ryan groaned as Marissa laughed. _More and more like Seth everyday._

The next morning, Kirsten had gotten up early. She wanted to do something for her family. It was about 4:30 in the morning. She had tried pancakes and failed miserably. She needed help but not from her boys. It was 5:00 in the morning, now. Maybe she needed some bonding time with her future daughters-in-law. She decided to first call Marissa.

"Hello?" asked the young girl on the other line, rather groggily. She was obviously still asleep.

"Marissa? Hi. I'm sorry to wake you. It's Kirsten," she said, fiddling with her rings.

"Oh, hi, Kirsten. Everything okay?"

"Uh yeah. I just needed some help with something for the boys. I've been gone for a while and I just wanted to, you know, try making them breakfast. Try… eh, cooking?"

"Kirsten, I don't know if that's such a good idea. The last time I remember you cooking, you burned a turkey." Marissa was now clearly awake and clearly concerned for the woman's abilities.

"That's why I need you and Summer here. Do you think you two could come and help me? I was thinking you and Summer could make something for Seth and you could maybe make something for Ryan. And I could use the supervision,"

"Kirsten, you don't even have to ask about supervision. We'll be there in a few. Have you called Summer?"

"No. I was going to right after I called you."

"I think maybe it's best if I called her. Summer, in the morning. Rage blackouts, you know."

"It's true? She really does have rage blackouts?"

"Yeah. Remember when we were in Tijuana? Seth told me that they were having breakfast and she freaked about something and ended up with a fork in her hand. Something about a fork in his eye. But she means well. She's not dangerous or anything." Marissa concluded, understanding that rage blackouts seemed a little dangerous for a parent to hear.

"Okay. Thank you, Marissa. I'll be waiting." They hung up as Kirsten looked through the fridge for food.

When the girls arrived, Kirsten had taken out everything possible to eat for breakfast. They walked in and stared at her. She had flour on her forehead and batter in her hair. "Hi, guys. Aprons are over there," said Kirsten, pointing to the pink aprons on the counter. Summer and Marissa grabbed one each and gathered around the counter.

"So, what are we making Mrs. Cohen?" asked Summer. Kirsten gave her a look. "Kirsten. Sorry."

"Oh, don't be, Summer. It's okay," replied Kirsten, washing her hands, "I was thinking bacon, eggs, hash browns, toast, coffee and fruit with whipped cream?"

Summer and Marissa stared at her. It was a lot to tackle and Kirsten in the kitchen was probably not the best idea. However, her excitement made her seem so cute and that much more hard to resist. Summer took care of the hash browns, Marissa, the bacon and Kirsten the eggs. Kirsten however was very heavily watched. While cracking the eggs, many pieces of shell fell in. It took them twenty minutes to get every piece out, there were so many. Kirsten managed to make the eggs without burning them. A proud moment. They plated the food and set it on the table. There was only fruit left to be cut. Kirsten had found kiwis, peaches, strawberries and three kinds of melons. They stared at the cutting boards and knives in front of them. Marissa and Summer were on one side of the island and Kirsten was on the other. They each picked up a knife and held their melon down. They looked at their nails and put the knives down. Even though they were trying the cooking thing, they still valued their nails. They were afraid of ruined nail polish and even worse, a chipped nail. "Manicures, tomorrow?" asked Kirsten. The girls laughed and nodded. They eventually finished preparing breakfast in time for Ryan, Seth and Sandy to waltz in, hungry. The girls had cleaned up the kitchen and had changed into more suitable clothes. Kirsten had cleaned the food off of herself as well. They stood behind the island holding a cup of coffee for their loved ones. They boys walked to their women, taking the cup of coffee and presenting them with a hug. Kirsten hung on a little longer, enjoying the scent of him, the feel of him. He kissed her gently as Ryan and Seth groaned and walked Marissa and Summer to the table.

"Summer, you cook?" asked Seth, taking a seat in front of her.

"Not really," she replied, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Kirsten took a seat next to Summer as Sandy sat next to Seth.

"You don't cook, Summer?" asked Kirsten, as Marissa sat down next to her, Ryan in front of her.

"Uh, no," said Summer, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Do you?" Kirsten asked Marissa. Marissa shook her head. The three of them had managed to cook an entire meal without burning anything. "You mean?"

"We cooked this whole thing without knowing anything!" said Marissa, realizing that the situation was more dangerous than they had known but had succeeded to making a meal without burning the house down.

"You guys!" Summer exclaimed, suddenly hugging Kirsten, who jumped slightly, shocked. Summer pulled back and motioned for her to hug Marissa. Kirsten stared at her, unable to understand what the youth was trying to communicate.

"Kirsten! Hug!"

"Oh! I'm sorry," said the older woman, pulling the younger girl into a hug. Summer laughed. She had meant for Kirsten to hug Marissa, not her.

"Ladies. Up," she said, getting out of her chair. Marissa had gotten up as well. Kirsten put aside her napkin and reluctantly got up. Now she was just plain confused. They stood in a triangle. Summer suddenly took both ladies in her arms in a group hug. Summer jumped around. Marissa laughed, as Kirsten stood, wide-eyed, her body being dragged up and down by Summer's excitable gestures. The boys stared at them. Sandy looked at his wife. He knew she was just keeping the younger Kirsten under control. A part of her wanted to let go and jump around too, it was only a matter of when. Marissa had begun to jump, too, forcing Kirsten's feet to slightly come on and off the ground. This had begun to provoke her. Pretty soon, she was jumping, excitedly too. It was a slight jump, hopefully unnoticed by her family. Sandy laughed, as the trio broke apart. "Tomorrow. Nails. Spa. Shopping?"

"Sounds great," said Kirsten, taking a sip of her coffee.

The room became silent as they began to eat. Ryan and Marissa had a visual conversation. They smiled at one another, flirting as they ate. Their conversation was short and sweet, filled with random "I love you" with their eyes. They had what Seth liked to call "The Silent Groove."

Seth and Summer were both reading the newspaper. They simultaneously picked up their mugs of coffee and took a sip. Summer reached over for Seth's toast but couldn't reach. Without looking, Seth pushed the toast to her hands as she broke off a piece. They were in sync. This was "The Cutesy Groove."

Everyone had a groove. It was what defined what couple you were. It also was the greatest proof of whether or not you were meant to be. Having a groove was what somewhat held a couple together. This was perhaps why there were times when Sandy and Kirsten were unsure about their relationship. They had lost their groove last year after the boys left and were not able to restore it. They still loved each other, that was sure but they needed their groove back or else they would need to question their compatibility.

Kirsten began to eat her fruit when she found a piece of kiwi. Not her favorite food. Sandy casually lifted his plate and allowed her to put the fruit on it. Sandy looked down from his paper. Something was wrong with his food. A piece of peach was sitting there amongst the kiwi. Not his favorite food. He forked it and put it up, never looking up from his reading. Kirsten instinctively leant over and bit into it. "Baby, its still…" he started, still knowing that it was there without looking.

"I know, working on it," she said, swallowing the piece she had and leaning in again. She leant in again, her mouth open, attempting to put the final piece in her mouth. Sandy swayed the fork. She giggled as he finally let her take the fruit. She wrapped her mouth around it, as he lowered his paper to look into her eyes as she smiled seductively at him, licking her lips of the peach juice. They smiled, looking deeply in each other's eyes. She mouthed, "I love you" as he did the same. They suddenly felt eyes upon them. They looked around and then it hit them.

"Baby, does this mean—" began Sandy, looking at her wide-eyed.

"—We have our groove back?" finished Kirsten.

"Should we—"

"—Test it?" Sandy finished off his coffee as he got up and ran to the coffee machine. Kirsten threw her napkin off her lap as she excitedly followed him.

"Close your eyes."

"You too," said Kirsten, as the couple closed their eyes, "Kiss me?"

"For good luck," said Sandy, leaning in and finding her lips with his eyes closed. _Maybe we are back._ He kissed her gently, a butterfly. She pulled away and kissed him again. _Maybe we don't need the groove. Maybe we just are. _She picked up the coffee pot and poured. This used to be their morning ritual. She would meet him in the kitchen. He would pull out a mug and she would pour the coffee. When he had the right amount, they both knew. She would stop pouring and she would pull. Maybe this time it would work. They had tried sometime after Rebecca but they had lost their groove. She pulled up as he removed his mug.

"No spill?" asked Kirsten, keeping her eyes closed. She didn't know how she would handle such a disappointment. She was so in love. She was so happy. The last thing she needed was to have this bring down her romantic life. She was in marital bliss with him. This groove they had, just reinforced that. She needed it back.

"No spill," he concluded, opening his eyes and smiling at her. She smiled back.

"Baby, that means we—" she began.

"—Have our groove back!" he finished. Kirsten leaped into his arms, putting her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his. He ran his tongue across her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She groaned as she began to open her mouth and he pulled back.

"Kids," he started, his eyes closed, murmuring against her lips.

"I know. I don't care," she said against his as she kissed him again.

"Neither do I," said Sandy as Kirsten bit his lower lip. They resumed kissing, deeper every time.

"But I'm—" she began, not wanting to part lips.

"—Hungry." Sandy knew his wife all too well. She was always hungry. She was like a child. Innocent.

"Tonight?" she said, seductively. Her tongue resumed its exploration of his mouth. But not that innocent.

"But we should—"

"—Talk about us…" began Kirsten.

"—And Carter," said Sandy abruptly. Kirsten looked taken aback.

"—And Rebecca," she countered, "before doing something else, yeah." She sighed, kissing him again, suggestively. She ran one of her hands down up his leg, very slowly, lingering at the top of his thigh. She had hoped this was hidden from the kids but Seth and Ryan's groans as well as Summer and Marissa's giggles interrupted her train of thought.

Sandy shrugged, "At least the groove's back…"

"We're back." Kirsten leaned in for another kiss, one that would linger on his lips until tonight. They walked back, hand in hand to eat. Marissa and Summer smiled.

"You guys are like the cutest couple. Don't you think, Seth?" asked Summer, eating a piece of strawberry in her mouth. Seth rolled his eyes as Ryan choked on his bacon. Kirsten laughed.

They spent over two hours eating breakfast. And only breakfast. They talked about everything, music, movies, Kirsten's snoring and short attention span when it came to movies and Kirsten's lack of appreciation for the ocean and physical sports. This concluded Seth, was the reason that he didn't play sports but was addicted to sailing. It was his parent's fault. By the end of the meal, the boys had planned for a "Boys day out" since the girls had planned their own little "Ladies day". Kirsten smiled. This was what she came home to. She loved every minute of it.

**We're sorry that this chapter isn't as detailed as the others. We thought it would be a good idea to add something a little less dramatic. This is probably one of the only comedic portions of this story. We hope you enjoyed it. The story should be concluding in a few more chapters. Kirsten needs to have a few things sorted out. Read and Review. Please and thank you.**


	8. The Saltwater War

This chapter is mainly used to put a happier Kandy in everyone's minds before the big event. The look given during the flashback for Kirsten is the look Kelly Rowan had at the 2005 Emmy Awards. She looked stunning. A big thank you to those who reviewed. Please, keep it up. Please and Thank you. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: The song is "Don't Give up on me" by Solomon Burke. I don't own any part of it.

Chapter 8: The Saltwater War

They spent over two hours eating breakfast. And only breakfast. They talked about everything, music, movies, Kirsten's snoring and short attention span when it came to movies and Kirsten's lack of appreciation for the ocean and physical sports. This concluded Seth, was the reason that he didn't play sports but was addicted to sailing. It was his parents' fault. By the end of the meal, the boys had planned for a "Boys day out" since the girls had planned their own little "Ladies day". Kirsten smiled. This was what she came home to. She loved every minute of it.

The boys cleared the table; after all, the ladies had slaved away and managed to come out of the experience unscathed. Kirsten, Marissa and Summer smiled as they walked outside and sat on the grass. Kirsten leaned on her palms behind her, legs outstretched as she soaked in the heat. She tilted her head toward the sky. Sandy and the boys walked out after placing the dishes in the dishwasher. They had all afternoon still. The evening, too if they wanted to spend time together. This was a rare occurrence; the family, together for a day.

Sandy glanced over at his wife, sitting on the grass, her eyes closed, taking in the sun's rays. She was beautiful. Her hair gleamed in the sun as a breeze gently moved it. Her blonde curls framed her porcelain face. She opened her eyes lazily as Summer asked her a question. Her blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, her hair dancing as she turned toward the girl. She smiled and nodded. Sandy stood, trapped in the mesmerizing beauty of his wife, his Kirsten. Sandy heard nothing as he watched her. He watched her. Only her. She was all he saw for that moment in time. How he had ever lived without her he never knew. But he had her now and that was all that mattered. How he hurt her, he never knew. He never understood what had possessed him to pain her, hurt her, and betray her. He had never meant to do it. He was trying to do the right thing. But by whom? Certainly not by Kirsten. Every time he turned away or choose Rebecca over her, her heart broke. It was his fault. He knew it was. He watched her as she leant forward, reaching for her painted toes. Her shirt rose, exposing the small of her back. He watched as her body moved slowly. She got up. The world stopped around him. There was only her. He watched her as she walked toward him, her eyes twinkling in the sun, her long body moving swiftly but softly, her hand reaching out to him. Her mouth moved. He didn't hear her. It moved again. She grabbed his hand and laughed. That he heard. He hadn't heard her laugh in months. He missed it. "Sandy? Are you alright?" she asked, her eyes pleading with his for an answer. She thought he was kidding. Pretending. But now she was worried. He hadn't spoken in over 15 minutes. That was impossible. Well, impossible for Sandy. He swallowed hard and nodded.

"What's going on?" he asked, squeezing her hand gently. She smiled and shook her head.

"You never pay attention, do you?" she said, leading him to their bedroom. He noticed their path and he smiled widely. She noticed this and laughed.

"You wish. You know we can't right now. Not until, I'm sure about something," she paused. _I need to know what happened, Sandy. I need to know what's going to happen. I need to know that you still want me like you used to. That Rebecca was nothing to you. That you never meant to hurt me or leave me. That you never chose her over me. _Sandy knew what she was thinking about. He knew it by the look in her eyes. Questioning, depressed and confused. She needed answers but now wasn't the time. Her family wanted to spend some quality time together. Summer had suggested tanning. Ryan had suggested they go swimming in the ocean. He missed the beach. He didn't, however, miss the fights on the beach. He wanted a good memory of it for once. He wanted a peaceful happy time there. Summer and Marissa left the Cohen's with a promise to meet them at a certain spot on the beach, dressed and packed in an hour.

Kirsten emerged from their bathroom, clad in a white D&G string bikini. She blushed deeply as Sandy gave her a quick look over, his reaction, priceless. He had had only his board shorts on, the black ones with the white stripe down the legs. His beachside office had done him a world of good. His body had toned a little more since she had last seen it. His stomach had flattened and demonstrated a shadow of his abs. His shoulders had broadened, his chest, thicker and more defined. She hadn't noticed this until he stood before her, his shorts hanging loosely upon his hips. He turned his back to her as he crossed the room to retrieve a white t-shirt. She stood, hypnotized by the rippling effect of his back as he put it on. He turned to look at her and smiled, his eyes burning her skin as she felt herself blush again. Only Sandy had been able to do that to her. She only felt self-conscious about herself when she was around him. She always strove to be perfect for him. She walked back to her closet, searching for something to wear overtop. She wrapped a black sarong loosely on her hips. She debated about wearing a shirt overtop her bikini top. What would Seth and Ryan say? They were going to have to accept the fact that she was a girl sooner or later. Right? She, after all, didn't want tan lines on her evenly toned skin. She wore dresses frequently and didn't need the Newpsies to talk about her even more than they already did. She decided on a half button-up pale blue long sleeved shirt. She undid the buttons and slipped it on. The shirt hung loosely but somehow still accentuated her body. One sleeve slid downward, past her shoulder, halfway to her elbow, the other side managed to stay on. The swell of her breasts teased Sandy as she breathed, peeking timidly from below the shirt. Sandy watched her as she reached behind her and released her hair from the clip. It fell down upon her, framing her face as she shook it loose. _My Angel._

"What?" she asked, their bag packed as she slipped on her flip-flops. He walked over and kissed her temple, leading her toward the door.

Seth and Ryan were waiting impatiently at the door. Seth was shirtless, his towel draped over his shoulder. Ryan was far more clothed, his traditional wife beater and an open button down short-sleeved shirt. Kirsten and Sandy exchanged looks. They knew Ryan was more built than Seth but he was shyer than him, too. Seth knew he wasn't a water polo player but the sailing had done him good. He was thin but he also showed promise in his potential muscles.

Sandy placed a surfboard in the back. Not quite as large as the ones he used but it wasn't for him. It was for Kirsten. Just in case. He smiled as the thought of her on a surfboard ran through his mind.

They drove toward the beach, Kirsten in control of the music, much to everyone else's chagrin. She played Solomon Burke the entire time, relishing in their song and the day they realized that it would be it for them. Flashback

She was only twenty-two. So how was it possible that she was nervous about going to a social Newpsie event? She had been attending them for as long as she could remember so what was so special about today? The ring of the doorbell reminded her. Sandy Cohen. She heard mumbling below her. The maid telling him where to go. She heard the footsteps up the stairs and toward her room. She quickly tidied her room and slipped on her dress, unable to zip it in the back. It was a red, strapless dress, plain but with two long slits, one on each side that swayed when she walked, exposing a slight bit of her toned thigh. She had curled her hair slightly, forcing it into long blonde waves. She heard a knock on her door. She gave herself a quick look over and started toward the door. She met his eyes, looking sheepishly at her. He smiled as she motioned for him to come in. His hair was a little scruffy but made him look adorable. He was wearing a black suit, his collar open, and his tie undone around his neck. She grabbed his tie and kissed him gently. "Sandy? Could you zip me please?" she asked innocently, smiling into his mouth. She knew what this was doing to him.

He nodded as she turned around and lifted her hair. A few stray strands flew across her back. He blew them away, causing her to shiver as he began to run his fingers against her skin. Her eyes fluttered closed, enjoying his touch. They hadn't made love yet, but he still made her feel like she wanted to give him everything. His hands found the zipper. He began to zip her up as his eyes followed the path his hands took. He noticed every freckle on her back, wishing he were they, being so close to her. He finished by running his hand across her shoulder blades to her hand, holding her hair. He took her hand and forced her to let go, her hair cascading around her. He kissed her shoulder as she turned around and took his tie again. She leant into him, kissing him deeply. She didn't know why but she wanted to be with him, more than ever. There was something about him that she couldn't resist.

It had been 6 months that they had been dating. 6 months. She had been with Jimmy a lot longer than that but she never felt this way about him. She never wanted to call him in the middle of the day just to hear his voice or cuddle on the couch watching movies. Kirsten and Jimmy were over. And she was glad. It never would have worked out. They were the quintessential Newpsie couple. And she hated it. She hated how he was everything her parents loved and how he was exactly what they wanted. She didn't want to live in that bubble. Not anymore. She had moved to Berkley a year or two ago, wanting to start over. Jimmy stayed in Newport. He slept with some random named Julie Something or other and had gotten her pregnant. They broke up and Kirsten turned back to her partying ways where she met a funny Jewish boy named Sandy, who was everything she wasn't. He had taught her the lighter side of life, the funny side, the romantic side. They were complete opposites with nothing in common. He was athletic. She loved art. He loved to talk and argue. She loved the silence. But somehow amidst all, it worked. They worked. It was 6 months already. Flown by and she had enjoyed every moment of it. He had never rushed her to sleep with him. He never mentioned it. He was considerate of her feelings. And now he was here. She was taking him to his first Newpsie convention against his will. But he would do it. For her.

"Uh, Kirsten?" he asked, shyly.

"Yeah?"

"I've, uh, never learned how to, er, tie one of these," he said, pointing to the tie she was holding. She laughed lightly and nodded. Her eyes told him not to move. He stood still as her fingers brushed against his neck, doing up the top button on his shirt. She lifted his collar, her thumbs stroking his neck. She did his tie and put down the collar. She brushed off his shoulder and took a step back looking at him. Something was wrong. She couldn't put her finger on it. This wasn't Sandy Cohen. This was a new brand of Cohen and she hated it. She undid the top button of his shirt. And took a step back. She smiled. This is my Cohen. She kissed him gently, pushing him down onto her bed. His hands roamed her back as his tongue began the exploration of her mouth. She moaned lightly but then backed off of him. He looked at her confused.

"I'm sorry, Sandy. I can't. Not yet." She knew what was happening. She was falling. Fast. Hard. And she didn't know what to do. This wasn't the way it was with Jimmy. She waited years to be with him. Now, she wanted to be with this man she had only been with for 6 months. He smiled and gave her a look that said it was okay and that he didn't need that unless she was ready. He would wait for her. She knew where she stood. It was only a question of where he was.

Kirsten and Sandy walked down the stairs hand in hand. Her parents waiting at the doorway. Sandy smiled at them only to get a cold reception from her father. He thought his princess was too good for that kid from the Bronx. She deserved better. Kirsten gave her father a glare as they walked out of the house. She didn't want to come back to Newport. She had only returned for their 25th wedding anniversary. She didn't want to stay in that house. She was twenty-two.

Sandy felt like the most awkward person at the club. They all had their sailing and their yogalates. He had his surfing and his bagels. Still, Kirsten stayed with him, clutching lovingly at his arm. She showed him off to her friends, who gave him less than polite stares. Random boy from the Bronx that Newport's princess took pity on and brought. She grew tired of their judgments. No one knew him like she did. No one tried. She rolled her eyes every time one of her friends decided to pull her aside to ask her what she was doing. She was fed up of them judging the man she was in love with. She paused on her thoughts and rewound what she was thinking. _The man I'm in love with._ There was a fine line between loving and being in love. She had loved Jimmy. She was in love with Sandy.

She felt a hand on the small of her back, leading her to the dance floor. He didn't want to chat with the stupid little Newpsies. He wanted to be alone with her, even if just for a moment. He wrapped his arm around her waist, taking one of her hands in his and placing it on his chest as she placed her arm around his neck. She leant her head on his shoulder. A slow beat played in the background as it faded. There was only Kirsten and Sandy.

_If I fall short. If I don't make the grade._

_If your expectations aren't met in me, today._

_There's always tomorrow. Or tomorrow night._

_Hang in there, baby. Sooner or later, I know I'll get it right._

She heard his voice, lightly singing with the song. She looked up into his eyes. "Solomon Burke. Classic," he whispered gently. She closed her eyes as he resumed singing.

_Please don't give up on me_

_Oh please, don't give up on me_

_I know it's late, late in the game_

_But my feelings, my true feelings haven't changed_

_Here in my heart_

She listened to the beat of his heart against hers. His voice hypnotizing her, almost begging her not to leave him. He was singing to her. Talking to her through the song. He had seen how he was looked at. How he didn't fit into her world. He wanted to so he could be with her. He was falling. Hard. Fast.

_I know, I know I was wrong_

_I'd like to make amends _

_For the love that I never ever, ever, ever showed_

_Just don't give up on me_

_Every word is true_

He was pleading with her. He couldn't take it if she left him. The pressure could break them or make them. It was all a matter of what she wanted. She had to want what he wanted. Right?

_I'll give you my everything_

_All of my love_

_All of my love_

_All of my love, love, love. love to you_

_Just don't give up on me_

_Oh please_

_Please, please_

_Don't give up on me_

She felt as if her heart was going to explode. She had never felt this way before. She ached with passion. She burned with love. She never knew it felt like this.

_I, I, I don't want you to_

_I know it's late_

_But wait_

_Please_

_Please_

_Please_

_Please_

_Don't give up on me_

_Promise_

_Will you promise me?_

_Will you promise me?_

She whispered softly in his ear, "I promise." He stopped singing.

_Please don't give up on me_

_We can make if we try_

_I'm going to hold on_

_Hold on with me_

_And don't give up on me_

He looked deeply into her eyes. She nodded. "I don't care if they don't like you. It doesn't matter to me. They don't know anything about you. How you like to think of schmearing a bagel an art or how you like to chew on the end of your pencil when you're in deep thought. You matter to me and that's all that counts. I won't give up on us, Sandy. I promise you that." She debated telling him about her feelings. He seemed to understand her fight as he was going through the same thing. "Sandy. I won't let the Newpsies ruin this. I won't allow it. I… I love you. I'm in love with you, Sanford Cohen."

_Please, oh baby, oh baby, please_

_Don't give up on me_

_Whatever you do_

_We're going to make it_

_We'll make it though_

_Don't you give up on me_

He looked at her eyes. She was scared. He could see it. He could feel her hands were shaking. He smiled, his stare forcing her to go weak in the knees. "I'm in love with you. You, the beautiful, perfect Kirsten Nichol. I love you. I would sit through a million Newpsie dinners to be with you." She laughed lightly and kissed him. She didn't care that everyone was staring. She only saw him.

_Please_

_Please _

_Please_

_Promise me_

_Don't give up on me_

He murmured, "I promise," against her lips as the kiss deepened. They pulled away, gasping for air. Tonight they would consummate their relationship. She wanted to give her all to him. Mind. Soul. Body. They continued dancing, swaying gently to the rhythm of the next song.

"Sandy?" she asked, her eyes closing dreamily at the moment.

"Hmm?"

"I think we just found our song."

End of Flashback

Somehow they had gotten to the beach without Kirsten noticing. She was lying on a towel between Summer and Marissa, in the comfortable shade of the large umbrella above them. She stirred.

"Good afternoon, Sleepyhead," laughed Marissa amused. Kirsten looked at her confused, "You fell asleep in the car. Sandy carried you here."

Kirsten nodded, slightly embarrassed. She had fallen asleep on the 5-10 minute drive to the beach.

"I don't care if they don't like you. It doesn't matter to me. They don't know anything about you. How you like to think of schmearing a bagel an art or how you like to chew on the end of your pencil when you're in deep thought. You matter to me and that's all that counts. I won't give up on us, Sandy. I promise you that. Sandy. I won't let the Newpsies ruin this. I won't allow it. I… I love you. I'm in love with you, Sanford Cohen," said Summer suddenly, smiling. Kirsten blushed. _How did she know?_ Marissa leaned over Kirsten's body and slapped Summer playfully on the arm.

"Summer. Leave Kirsten alone," said Marissa, laughing. Kirsten looked at the both of them, confused.

"Kirsten. I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't snore as loudly as Sandy says you do. It's a light snore…" began Summer, noticing the look on Kirsten's face, "…the bad news is you talk in your sleep. A lot." Kirsten blushed madly, stuttering as she tried to find a way to change the subject. She must've said a lot for Summer to memorize her "I love you" speech to Sandy.

"You really love him, don't you? Even after all these years," Marissa concluded. She wished that someday she and Ryan would be at least half as in love as the Cohens. They were the epitome of love. Kirsten nodded, looking over at Sandy surfing. His hair clung to his forehead. She smiled. Sandy looked over at his wife, who had finally woken up. He paddled back to shore, picking up his board and walked over to Seth and Ryan who were drying off near the edge of water. He leaned down and whispered to them. Kirsten eyed them suspiciously, motioning for Summer and Marissa to look at them. Seth, Ryan and Sandy smiled walked toward their women. Seth and Ryan ran over to Summer and Marissa, scooping them up in their arms. Seth half dragged Summer into the water. He wasn't as strong as Ryan who lifted Marissa with ease. Kirsten began to move back, away from Sandy who was still smiling at her devilishly. She shook her head. No. He ran next to her, his mouth attacking hers. She tasted the salt on his lips and moaned as his tongue pushed past her lips. She broke the kiss, startled by the large splash heard a few feet from her; Seth and Ryan had thrown Summer and Marissa into the water. She knew her fate was sealed. She shook her head and tried to push away from Sandy but he was too strong for her. He easily scooped her up into his arms. She squealed laughing.

"SANDY! DON'T YOU DARE! THERE'S FISH IN THERE SANDY! EW! SANDY! STOP! BABY, PLEASE!" she begged, slapping his chest and his arms. He laughed moving her over his shoulder. He threw her in. Kirsten felt the warm water surround her. She opened her mouth, choking on the saltiness of the water. She never knew it was that salty. She got up, weakly as a wave pushed her against Sandy. Her hair was in her face. Sandy laughed as he pushed her hair back. She squealed as she felt something brush against her leg. Summer was underwater, tickling the woman's ankles. Kirsten jumped up, her legs around Sandy's waist, her arms squeezing his neck tightly. He moved her to his back, giving her a piggyback. She held him tightly, her arms squeezing his strong frame.

"Trust me," he said. It wasn't as if she couldn't swim. She didn't want to swim. She was afraid of what was in the water. Fish. Sharks. She was afraid of what people did in the water. She was a little sensitive and a little girly. She nodded as she laced her fingers with his. He dove in, carrying her. Once she had pushed aside the thoughts of what was in the ocean, she proceeded to enter a splash war with her husband, splashing Marissa, who retaliated and splashed her back, somehow getting Seth. Pretty soon they were all fighting to be the last person standing. Seth somehow won. Everyone had left him in the water while he stood splashing random gusts of air. Everyone laughed as he ran out, grabbed two buckets, filled them and threw them on the girls. Everyone that is but Kirsten, Summer and Marissa, who looked at him less than amused. They exchanged looks and ran to Seth. Kirsten grabbed her son's left side as Marissa grabbed his left. Summer ran between his legs, pulling them from beneath him. The trio ran to the water and threw him in. That would show him.

Kirsten walked back to Sandy who was sitting on the sand. She sat between his legs and held his hands as she leaned against him. They watched as their sons and their girlfriends played in the water. He kissed her temple. They sat content, comfortable in their blissful silence. "Sandy. I think I like the ocean."


	9. The Respective Closeness

We are going to have about two more chapters of happiness before Kirsten and Sandy have the talk. Thank you to all those who reviewed. They are much appreciated. Keep it up and Enjoy. D We were inspired by the many Julie-Kirsten moments in the episode _The Anger Management_.

Chapter 9: The Respective Closeness

Kirsten walked back to Sandy who was sitting on the sand. She sat between his legs and held his hands as she leaned against him. They watched as their sons and their girlfriends played in the water. He kissed her temple. They sat content, comfortable in their blissful silence. "Sandy. I think I like the ocean."

Sandy leaned his head on her shoulder. She giggled as he whispered lyrics to their song in her ear. She was glad he had heard her. Somehow it reassured her that nothing was wrong, at least for the moment. Her doubts were eased away as she listened to his voice and the sound of the ocean. She noticed him looking longingly at the surfers, drifting up and down on a wave. The water wasn't as alive as she had expected. Four footers were nowhere to be seen. This was perhaps a different part of the beach. She glanced at the surfboard little way behind them. Sandy's eyes lit as he saw a surfer ride a wave elegantly. He wished she could feel the ocean like he did. He wished she could be one with the water. He wished she could feel what it was like to lose her mind to the dull roar of the ocean and the passion behind it. She wished she could be connected to him again. Maybe she would. One day.

They had eventually made it home. She had sat in the front seat and had agreed to let Seth choose the music; after all, she had thrown him into the water. A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie rang through their ears during the drive and now, it was stuck in Kirsten and Sandy's heads. Seth hadn't realized the damage he had done until he heard Kirsten humming the tune to, much to Seth's chagrin, Sandy's singing, "All the girls in every girly magazine can't make me feel, any less alone, I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03, on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home. And now I know it's too late, I should have given you a reason to stay, given you a reason to staaaaaaaayyyy…" Seth looked at his parents, disgusted. Ryan had an amused look on his face as he watched as Kirsten chimed in for the chorus, "If you feel discouraged, there's a lack of color here…" Seth groaned, as their voices grew louder.

"Mom! Dad! Stop!" he cried, placing his hands over his ears. Sandy laughed as Kirsten rolled her eyes, leading everyone to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out two bottles of Mountain Dew and two of water. Her boys accepted them gratefully as they leaned against the island and the counter.

"I have to call Summer and Marissa about tomorrow. I'll be right back," said Kirsten, suddenly, taking the phone as well as her leave.

Sandy took this as the perfect opportunity to let the boys in on his plan for the evening. Well, not the entire plan. "Boys. I was thinking, maybe, you and the girls could go out for dinner tonight. Your mother and I need some time alone to talk about a few things and we would really appreciate it if you weren't here for all of it. Just be back by 2 okay?"

Seth and Ryan groaned in disgust. Too much information. They agreed as they shuffled to the living room to join Kirsten. She was already on the phone with their female friends anyway.

"Okay, so it's tanning, waxing, facials, mud wraps, manicures, pedicures, deep tissue massage, sauna, lunch, shopping?" said Kirsten, in a breath. She paused for a moment and nodded, letting out a light laugh. Seth and Ryan smiled. They missed her laugh.

Her smiles quickly changed to a shocked expression painted on her beautiful face, "Julie. You can't talk like that in front of the girls. They're off the phone? When did they—Julie, no. Julie, I am not getting 'the hot limo driver with the arms' he got lost on the way to our houses! We lived right next to each other. Julie, might I remind you that we are smart, sophisticated women who don't need hot limo drivers to be taking us around. He's a driver! We don't have to be amused by his body! He just has to drive. Julie. Julie! Are you even paying attention to me? Julie! Why can't I just let the agency send us one? What? I do not have bad taste in men, Julie. Just because I don't like to ogle strange men, doesn't mean I don't have good taste. Julie. No. You can't choose. It isn't fair. Because maybe it's my turn to decide. Look at us, we're acting like high school girls over a limo driver. This is ridiculous, Julie, no, why can't we have a enjoyable ride with a driver we don't have to talk to? Hey! It was not my fault you didn't enjoy the hot driver. Fine. Maybe I did say some things that upset you but you're not supposed to enjoy the driver that way! You were married! Julie. Oh my God. This is never going to end is it? Put the girls on the phone. Now. Summer, not you too. Vibrating at a high frequency? Summer, it's a driver. His vibrations won't affect us. Don't even say it, Julie. Marissa, you have to back me up on this one. What? Okay, fine. Fine. Hot limo driver it is. I have to say though, the boys won't be very happy about this. "

"Dad! Mom's hiring a hot limo driver for tomorrow! I think he might be a stripper!" yelled Seth, suddenly. _There is no way Summer is spending time with that man._

"What!" exclaimed Sandy, his head peeking out from the kitchen. Kirsten gave him an innocent wave as she passed the phone to the boys.

"It's nothing. Really," she said unconvincingly.

"Maybe I should go with you,"

"Sandy. This is my Kirsten-Summer-Marissa-Julie time. Girl time. Last time I checked, you weren't a girl. And besides, we're going to tan, wax, get facials, mud wraps, manicures, pedicures, deep tissue massages, hit the sauna, and go shopping. And I know you're not interested in any of that… actually, baby, if you wanted you could be waxed. I could call someone in to do your eyebrows. Or your chest," said Kirsten, seductively. Sandy looked frightened as he shook his head. She laughed as she watched the boys roll their eyes.

"Where are they going?"

"They're going out for dinner with their female cohorts. I am making you a romantic dinner," said Sandy as Kirsten wrapped her arms around him appreciatively. They walked to the kitchen as Seth and Ryan mumbled goodbyes and left the house. Kirsten and Sandy were finally alone.

She walked in to find the salmon on the baking tin, a few lemons sitting near a cutting board. She walked over to it asking Sandy if she could help. She picked up a knife and a lemon. She felt Sandy's presence behind her. She smiled. His hands began on her shoulders and slid gracefully down to her hands. His hands guided hers as they cut the lemon in slices. She felt his nose graze her ear, his breath on her neck. He blew aside some of her hair, exposing more of her neck and shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut as he left a trail of kisses on her skin. "Sandy," she breathed. He laced his fingers with hers and wrapped their arms around her body. She leaned against him, sighing gently at his warmth. He whispered, "I love you" as he kissed the nape of her neck. He pressed his chest against her back protectively as he guided her legs to the couch. They fell together, Kirsten on his lap. She laughed as she slid off to his left, letting go of his hands. His left arm never left her back as she laced his fingers with her right hand. She stroked his hand gently with her thumb. This was how they used to sit in Berkley. Close, with their touches unrelenting. This was how Kirsten Nichol and Sandford Cohen used to cuddle after a fight. This was how Kirsten and Sandy Cohen sat when they just needed time to be husband a wife.

She gazed into his eyes as she leaned her forehead against his. He gently cupped her cheek with his right hand, rubbing and stroking her porcelain skin lightly as he leant further toward her. Their lips met gently and parted as they looked into each other's eyes again.

She knew was he was asking her. He knew she did not know what she wanted. She knew she was confused about whether or not she wanted this. He knew, too. Nevertheless, in the end, all she wanted was him. At least just for tonight, until tomorrow night when they would have to confront all the demons from the past year. All the mistakes made.

She leaned in this time, brushing her lips against his, kissing him lightly. Their lips met in a light flurry of kisses, each lighter than a butterfly's wing but so full of passion, nonetheless. Their lips would part only for a moment before meeting again. She needed him tonight. At least for one night, nothing would exist except the love between them. She took his upper lip in his mouth and sucked gently, a soft moan escaping her. She let go of his hand, leaning into him further. He smiled as she ran her tongue over his lip, begging for entrance. He opened his mouth and greeted her tongue with his as he pushed her down onto the couch.

"Not here," she breathed, gently. She let out a light squeal of surprise as he lifted her easily and began toward their bedroom. Kirsten left small kisses on his cheek and neck, stopping occasionally to nibble on his earlobe. She wanted him. At least for one night.

Kirsten woke up with a start, Seth's voice booming through the hallway toward their room. "Mom! Mom! The limo's here! They're all waiting for you! What is taking so long? Mom!"

She sat up abruptly, elbowing Sandy in the ribs, forcing him to wake up, "What? Honey, what's wrong? What's the matter? Is it Seth? Is Ryan okay? What's going on?" said Sandy, speaking a mile a minute.

She leant over him, holding a sheet to her naked body. She grabbed the alarm clock and groaned in frustration. Sandy wrapped his arms around her, pressing her to him. "Sandy, I really don't have time. I'm late and they're wai—" her words were cut off my his mouth on hers. She moaned lightly as his tongue entered her mouth. She deepened the kiss and quickly broke it off, pushing off him and sitting up at the edge of the bed. He smiled, knowing she was simply using her kiss to tease him and leave him wanting more. He ran a hand up and down her back. She shivered, turning around and cupping his face with her hand. She smiled as she got up, taking the sheet with her. His only cover was gone. She laughed as he grabbed her pillow and covered himself as he followed her to the closet. She furiously grabbed a pair of jeans, tank top, and sweater. "Baby, aren't you going to shower first?"

"Sandy. I don't have time; I'll shower at the spa. Make yourself useful and grab my shoes, please," she said hastily putting on her clothes. He turned to grab the shoes she motioned to and when he walked back to her, she was fully dressed in a light pink tank top that clung to her body and a pair of fitted jeans. Her sweater was clutched in one hand her bags in the other. Her foot tapped impatiently against the floor as he bent down and put them on for her. She had managed to tame her hair and had applied some concealer and lip-gloss. She gave him a quick kiss and turned to leave. She ran out of their bedroom and toward the door, met by the girls, who had made themselves comfortable on the couch.

"Where's Julie?" asked Kirsten, motioning for them to leave. She opened the door and let out laugh. Julie was standing close to the driver, an ass graze barely visible. Julie let go immediately and ran over, giving her a tight hug.

"I've missed you, Kiki… wait, you don't smell like you," said Julie, pulling away from her, her nose crinkled as she sniffed some more. Kirsten looked around nervously, if anyone understood everything about men, it was Julie Cooper. The driver grabbed Kirsten's bags as Summer and Marissa emerged from the house, looking at Kirsten, confused.

"Let's go, shall we? I hope you don't mind if take a quick shower at the spa. I had a late morning. The alarm didn't go off and I slept a little late," said Kirsten, apologetically, climbing into the limo.

"I got it! You smell like Sandy! You have his cologne all over you! What'd you do last night, Kirsten, hmm? You don't waste any time, do you?" said Julie, laughing lightly.

"Julie, don't. The girls," said Kirsten, insistently, motioning at Marissa and Summer.

"Kirsten, don't worry about it. This summer, Marissa, Julie, and I talked about everything. It's all about trust with us, now. Isn't that right, Coop?" said Summer, reassuringly.

"She's right, you know. We have decided to be open with everything. There is no point in hiding anything. Who else can you turn to if not those you are closest to? And I know that we aren't as close as we'd like to be but we're getting there and the first step to becoming the best girlfriends is being open," said Marissa as Julie placed a hand on her daughter's knee and smiled.

"So, you two are okay?" asked Kirsten.

"Yeah. In the end, it all comes down to family. We've gotten past everything that's happened and we decided it was time to put all bickering aside. For a moment, I thought I was alone. Marissa made me realize that we would battle everything together and that we always did. And now we're like best friends, aren't we, Mariss?" said Julie. Marissa nodded and smiled.

"I really don't feel comfortable… I mean, it's not like I don't want a relationship with you three, it's just I don't really…" began Kirsten.

"Kirsten," said the three of them, simultaneously. She looked at them startled and laughed, throwing her hands up in surrender.

"Okay. Fine. Last night, Sandy sent the boys out with you girls so we could spend some time alone. The last time he and I were alone, well, I was… drunk. The last time he touched me was, well, quite a long time ago. He and I, we were going through some hard times before I left for Suriak. There was this rift between us when the boys left and then there were all these problems. I wasn't going to sleep with Sandy last night. We were supposed to talk about what had happened between us and we, well, didn't," began Kirsten. Kirsten laughed as they let out a few whistles and squeals.

Her expression suddenly changed, "I just wanted him, at least for one night. I pushed away every doubt, every fight, everything, all for last night. For a moment, I thought I was losing him and I wasn't sure he still felt the same and last night just reassured me that even through all this, he still loves me. I don't know what's going to happen after tonight. We're going to talk about it, everything."

"So, last night… was it worth it? Postponing the talk?" asked Julie, expectantly.

Kirsten laughed gently, "I didn't think the openness of this relationship involved sharing everything."

"It does. Now spill. It had to be good right? Months of nothing and then boom, one night of hot sex."

"It wasn't like that."

"Not so hot?"

"No. Julie," scolded Kirsten, "It was kind of like the first time we did it. You know that scene in Ghost, where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze are doing that pottery thing. It was like that. I was slicing some lemons, he came up behind me, and it was one of the more romantically cheesy moments. He had his arms around me and we walked to the couch and…"

"Oh my God. The couch? Remind me never to sit on it, again!" said Summer, laughing.

"No, it wasn't like that. Anyway, Julie, you remember in high school, when you and your boyfriend would just sit on the couch and make out? It was like that. Nothing crazy, just innocent kisses and then they were, um, not so innocent so we moved it to the bedroom. And that's pretty much it but it was one of the greatest nights. I just missed him so much, it had been so long, and I just needed to forget everything. He does that. He makes me feel like flying sometimes. Last night was no different. It was like the first time we were together. We took it slow and that just made it so much better. I think it was at that point that I knew I didn't want to be with anyone else. Just him," she said, dreamily. Summer and Marissa exchanged looks. They wished one day they would be like that. Kirsten looked up at them and laughed, "I think I've shared enough, what about you?"

Summer and Marissa laughed nervously. Their partners weren't just their boyfriends; they were Kirsten's sons. "Oh, we're here!" exclaimed Summer, excitedly. Kirsten rolled her eyes as she followed the driver to their room. She needed a shower.

The women sang to their favorite songs as they tanned. They held hands as they were waxed, laughing at the cringing faces they all made. Kirsten had somehow managed to fall asleep while they were getting facials. The mud wraps had allowed Summer to tell Kirsten all about herself. Her past, her family, her education. Kirsten's eyes had filled with tears when Summer spoke about Seth. Their relationship reminded her of the better Kirsten and Sandy days. She missed them. Kirsten enjoyed the Kirsten-time during the massage. She needed time to think. There was only one thing her mind concluded to every time. It was only a matter of if she could actually muster up her courage to do it.

The four met up near the pool, sunglasses perched on their noses and wrapped in white robes with the spa's insignia. They sat down in the identical chairs as their toes were worked on. Kirsten closed her eyes but opened them at the sound of Marissa and Julie's voices and a clicking sound. She turned to look at them, Summer was writing madly on her handheld, giggling as Marissa and Julie spoke quietly on their cell phones. The boys, she concluded. Kirsten rolled her eyes, taking her own cell phone from the pocket of the robe.

"Hey, baby," said Sandy, seductively on the other line.

"Hi, honey. What is it that you boys are doing?" she asked, sweetly.

"We've been playing the 'station and, uh, yeah, that's about it. Jimmy brought over some McQueen movies. Ryan and Seth are over by the grill making lunch and I am prepping the junk. Why?"

"Honey, tell me, have they been slipping in and out of conversations, playing with their cell phones, taking random calls throughout the day, getting text messages?" asked Kirsten. She knew it.

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"Well, turns out our people have not been following the rules. Take away the phones and I'll do the same," she suggested.

Sandy laughed, "Whatever you say, darling. Have fun."

Kirsten leant over and grabbed each of the other women's technology. They opened their mouths to complain but she shook her head laughing, "Ladies, might I remind you that this is our time. No boys. Let's keep focused on ourselves for today, hmm?"

They all sighed, leaning back into the chairs. Kirsten smiled, this was more like it. That is, until Summer's pocket began vibrating. Kirsten rolled her eyes as Summer sheepishly grinned, "Hey Seth,"

"Hang up! Hang up! Summer! Hang it up!" whispered Kirsten, motioning enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I know, Kirsten did the same thing. Really? She has? They have? Kirsten's going to have fun with this. Wait. Seth! Ryan? Give the phone back to Seth for a minute. Seth! Don't ever give the phone to someone else before saying 'Bye,' what the hell is wrong with you? Huh? I love you, too. Bye, Cohen. Here, Marissa it's for you," said Summer, handing the phone to her best friend next to her, "The boys are playing keep the phone away from the Sandy."

Marissa spoke to Ryan, quietly, giggling as she whispered, "I love you." Summer was eyeing Kirsten suspiciously as she glared at the phone in Marissa's hands. The phone was then thrown to Julie, who whispered, what Kirsten could only assume, were things that other people shouldn't hear. Luckily for Kirsten, Julie was right next to her. She quickly leaned over and grabbed the phone. "Hello? Who is this? Sandy? Hi. Take this phone away, too. No, I don't care. Well, keep one for emergencies. I want to be able to reach you in case something happens. What? Really? I miss you, too, baby. I love you. Yes, I'm smiling. Why? Aw, really, Sandy? That's so sweet, baby. Oh, I miss you. Yes, you and your cute eyebrows. I love them, too but I love you more. No, you. Aw, baby. Yes, I know. Well, that's for making me late this morning. I love you, too. I miss you. Yes, I love you. I want you, too. I lo—"

Marissa, Summer, and Julie exchanged looks as they pinned her down and grabbed the phone. Lucky for them, their toes had been finished and dried. Kirsten squealed as they tickled her sides. "Bye, Sandy," said the three at the phone as they hung it up. Kirsten laughed breathlessly.

"Hey!" she said.

"Well, looks like Little Miss 'No Boys Allowed' has been playing us all, ladies," said Summer, giving Kirsten an amused look.

"What?" asked Julie, "Oh, my God. You've been chatting with Sandy, all day haven't you?" Kirsten grinned innocently as Summer nodded enthusiastically.

"_She_ has been calling _him, _all day. Seth told me. Sandy been 'going out for air' every half hour or so and he could hear Sandy using his 'romantic' voice, saying 'I love you, angel' all that mushy crap," said Summer, smiling.

"I am his angel," said Kirsten, shrugging.

"Kirsten! I am surprised at you, really. Telling us off for talking to our boys and you're off doing the same thing," said Marissa, laughing.

The girls never let Kirsten live it down as they laughed the rest of the day. They went out for lunch at a fast food restaurant. Julie had managed to persuade Kirsten into buying a "Double, double, heavy on the sauce with large fries and an orange soda." Kirsten didn't finish it. She managed to eat the fries and the soda and let Julie, Marissa and Summer eat the burger. After almost four hours of intense shopping, they decided to head home but not before Kirsten stopped at the video store to rent "The Lion King" and "The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride." Kirsten loved watching Disney movies cuddled up to Sandy and the particular movies she loved most.

Flashback

It had been 10 months. 10 months since they had started dating. 4 since they had confessed their love for each other. Kirsten had finished watching a movie called "The Brothers" with a few of her girlfriends. The movie had brought up an interesting idea about how to know if your man truly loves you. When you are all cozy and snuggled up on the couch, watching TV and he gives you his last piece of food, he unconditionally loves you. Initially, Kirsten had found this to be rather stupid and ridiculous way to seek this truth but after talking about it with her friends, who had admitted to testing out the theory and had seen it work, she had decided to try it out on Sandy. She knew she loved him like that; it was a matter of did he?

Kirsten had insisted they stay home that night to watch movies, her choice of course. They had ordered in some Chinese and were on the last dumpling. He hadn't noticed of course but she had. She kissed him gently as the lions on the television danced and sang. Sandy wanted to sing along, too. She knew this all too well. She smiled as she pushed him down onto the couch, his thoughts forgotten. She kissed his nose as lay in front of him, wrapped tightly in his arms. He gently laid a trail of kisses up and down the side of her neck, causing her to giggle and eventually elbow him in the ribs.

He laughed, kissing the top of her head. He slid down so he could place his head next to hers as they watched TV, his arms squeezing her gently. He kissed her cheek, "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you, too. Hey, there's one dumpling left," she said. He looked at her; an eyebrow raised as he reached over her and picked it up. Her breaths came faster as he held it in his fingers. _What was he going to do?_ He smiled and held it to her mouth.

"Here," he said, simply, smiling as she took it into her mouth. She turned suddenly, half the dumpling sticking out from lips. He moved so that he was above her. Her eyes danced playfully as she grabbed his head and pushed it forward. He took the other half of the dumpling in his mouth as he kissed her gently. She giggled as they ate between kisses.

"Sandy?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"I love you." She lifted her head to meet his, hungrily.

"I love you, too." _Truly._

End of Flashback

Kirsten came home to Sandy, sitting on the couch in the family room, flipping channels. "Hey, you."

"Hey, how was your boy's thing?" she asked, putting in the first movie.

"We played video games, watched some movies, and had steak. It was interesting. How was yours?"

"Fun. We had a great time at the spa, a very different lunch experience, and an excellent time shopping. Rosa's putting my bags upstairs as we speak," said Kirsten, laughing lightly.

"What's that?" he asked, point to the screen, which now had the Disney logo printed on it.

"It's 'The Lion King' I thought we could watch the two movies before we talked. I just think that maybe we should relax before getting into it. It's going to be a long night, Sandy. There are a lot of things we need to say to each other and I don't think it's going to be easy. I think we need to have a few laughs and a good cry first," said Kirsten, lightly, snuggling next to him. He put his arm around her as she put her head on his chest, "And no teasing," she finished.

Sandy laughed, kissing the top of his wife's head. She was right; it was going to be a long night.

**We're so sorry for the time it took to update the story. We've written and re-written this chapter so many times and this is the only one that worked. The next chapter is a little darker, in that Sandy and Kirsten finally face their problems and Kirsten's suggestion leads to broken hearts. The other story, Back to You: Uncovered is a compilation of Kandy moments that are inappropriate for the rating. Anyway, Read and Review please. We would love to see what everyone thinks. Suggestions are fine as well. Feel free to message or email, too. Thank you. **


	10. The Broken Hearted

**Hey, everyone. Thanks for the reviews. We do realize that it was a little uncharacteristic of Kirsten to expose everything about her relationship, however, we needed that movement and change in her, in order for the future events to seem a little more normal. She's going to be going through many changes and she is going to make several decisions that seem almost impossible for her to do. But she is Kirsten Cohen. P We are sooooo sorry for the wait. We had some computer troubles and were unable to get the chapter that we had originally written up. We tried to get it back up from scratch and this is what we ended up with. We apologize again. We do have several chapters that we are going to post up very soon. There's a Christmukkah chapter that should be up in about four chapters, which we realize is very behind schedule, considering Christmukkah was two days ago. We apologize again and we hope you enjoy. Read and Review please. **

Chapter 10: The Broken Hearted

"It's 'The Lion King' I thought we could watch the two movies before we talked. I just think that maybe we should relax before getting into it. It's going to be a long night, Sandy. There are many things we need to say to each other and I don't think it's going to be easy. I think we need to have a few laughs and a good cry first," said Kirsten, lightly, snuggling next to him. He put his arm around her as she put her head on his chest, "And no teasing," she finished.

Sandy laughed, kissing the top of his wife's head. She was right; it was going to be a long night.

_Kirsten looks deep into his eyes. She swore she could see his honest soul. She smiles at him, her eyes flashing with passion. She reaches out to him as he smiles back at her. _

"_Sandy?"_

_Sandy nods as his eyes shut briefly. She watches him as he turns on his heel and begins to walk away._

"_Baby, wait for me!"_

_She tries to follow him but a hand grabs hers, forcing her to stop. She feels her arm grow warm under the person's touch. She revels in it for a moment as she realizes that Sandy is getting further and further away from her. She turns to the person, wanting to ask to be let go of. She meets a pair of humble eyes, dancing with admiration._

"_Carter?"_

_Kirsten smiles at him before turning back to look at Sandy. He looks at the pair, defeated. She gazes at him questioningly as a smile slowly creeps onto his face._

"_Sandy."_

_She tries to break free of Carter's grasp on her hand but she can't. He moves to a closer position behind her, his arms creeping around her slender waist. She struggles again, unable to cast off the man clutched desperately to her. She looks up._

"_Sandy, wait. What are—"_

_Sandy is no longer alone. On his arm is Rebecca Bloom. Love of his life. Horror is painted upon Kirsten's face. Tears begin to well in her eyes as she realizes that Carter's hold on her is relentless. Rebecca's hold on Sandy is just as tight. _

_Rebecca smiles as a hand reaches up to cup Sandy's face. _

"_Sandy!"_

_Rebecca leans forward. Kirsten breaks free of Carter's grasp and begins to run toward them._

"_Please!"_

_Sandy leans to meet her. Carter runs after Kirsten._

"_Stop!"_

_Sandy's lips are barely inches away from Rebecca._

"_Kirsten," says Carter._

_Rebecca looks at her from the corner of her eye._

"_Sandy. Please. I love you," says Kirsten._

_Sandy glances at her._

"_Kirsten," says Rebecca, firmly._

"_Don't make me lose you."_

_Sandy finally speaks, "KIRSTEN!"_

"Kirsten!"

"Sandy! Don't make me lose you!" she cried as Sandy wrapped his arms tightly around her small shaking form. Her breathing was erratic as he whispered to her.

"Shhh… baby, I'm right here. It's okay. Shhh… just calm down. Take a few breaths, huh. What's wrong?"

Kirsten relished in the feeling Sandy gave her but was disappointed in it. She felt his warmth and caring. She did not feel the security. She had almost lost him so many times that she was beginning to doubt whether or not they were supposed to be together. This had always scared her. Kirsten and Sandy sat in a tension filled silence. She didn't know how she was going to ask him for it. She didn't know if she could. "Why do I keep almost losing you, Sandy?" she said, finally. Her voice was barely audible but he heard her. He just couldn't believe she was thinking that.

"What?"

"Rachel. Rebecca."

"Kirsten, listen to me. You have never almost lost me. You have never and will never come close to losing me. I would never leave you," said Sandy, forcing her to look into his eyes. She looked up, her blue eyes meeting his darker ones, pleading with hers.

"Tell me the truth, then Sandy. Don't keep anything from me," she begged, quietly.

Sandy nodded. He knew what it was about. They had never fully dealt with the events of the last year. Rebecca. Carter. He was still unsure about what had happened between them but he knew there was something. Something about that man made Kirsten uneasy about her relationship. He had asked if it was an affair and Kirsten had dismissed him immediately.

His thoughts were interrupted by Kirsten's voice, prying into his head, "Tell me how it's possible that my family is falling apart."

"Kirsten, we're not falling apart. Families, they have problems, we just have to get through ours," he said, reassuringly putting a hand on her knee. Things had changed. Kirsten felt goose bumps form upon her skin. But not every thing.

"People just keep popping in and out of this family, leaving messes within everyone, every time. That is more than a problem, Sandy," said Kirsten, staring at him, "Take a look at Jimmy and Rachel and Rebecca and Carter."

"That's personal, they're not part of the family," replied Sandy, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Really? Because it seems that, we let them into our lives. We let them live in us and we can't let go," sighed Kirsten, getting up and walking to the kitchen. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she began to make coffee.

"Then we should talk about it. Let them go because, Kirsten, we need to get past this. All of it," said Sandy, running his hand through his hair.

"Its been years and you still chose her over me, Sandy," began Kirsten. Sandy shook his head as he got up to join her.

"Look, let's just take this one at a time. Please."

"Dammit, Sandy I'm sick of trying to take everything so cautiously. Let's just do this, okay? I don't want tension. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm done crying about this," said Kirsten, suddenly, her anger surprising her. She just wanted it to end. She didn't want the hurt to consume her anymore. She didn't want the pain. She didn't want the lies. She just wanted closure.

"You don't mean—" began Sandy. He refused to allow his thoughts to wander. He refused to think she was going to ask him for a divorce. Her voice had been harsher than he had ever heard it, her eyes glazed in a confusion he had never seen. She had changed. She was different. Braver somehow. She knew what she wanted. She had made up her mind.

"Don't be ridiculous,"said Kirsten, reading his mind and dismissing his thoughts," we're going to talk about this, and we'll decide at the end of the night. We need to. For our sakes. I know I'm not being the nicest person right now but we need to be frank here. I don't want secrets or anything held back."

"I know," said Sandy, grabbing two cups from the cupboard.

"Then stop being so damn quiet and tell me everything," said Kirsten, her voice betraying her. She had wanted to sound angry but instead she was pleading with him, begging him to trust her and tell her that nothing happened. That she was the only one for him. Not Rebecca.

"Kirsten, she and I were over, over 20 years ago. When Max came to ask me to find her, I couldn't say no. The man was like a father to me. Moreover, when Rebecca was found, I don't know, I felt like I needed to try to protect her, save her again," blurted Sandy. He didn't want to make her feel as if there was something going on but she wanted truth. He only wanted to give her what she wanted.

"You wanted to be there for her?" concluded Kirsten. She appreciated his honesty. She, however, hated what he was saying. She hated knowing he wanted to protect another woman. Save another woman. Not her.

"Yes. Kirsten, I'm sorry. Her return sparked all the memories to come flooding back to me… I just wanted some closure with her," explained Sandy.

"And you what? Wanted away from me?" she blurted, suddenly. Her fears were catching up to her.

"No. I never wanted that," defended Sandy. The conclusions she was jumping to scared him.

"You couldn't be with her and me at the same time and you chose her whenever possible, are you aware of that?"

"Kirsten…"

"I'm sorry. Go on."

"Max died and I used it as an excuse. I know that. I spent time with her. I didn't want her to leave again. I was comforted by her—"

"—you love her," interrupted Kirsten, staring at the floor. She helped herself to coffee, hoping the bitter liquid would ease her nerves. It didn't.

"No. That night I came back by bus, she had propositioned me but I couldn't do it. Not to you. I didn't want her. I missed you. So, I called you and you told me to come back to you. So I did. I realized that I never wanted her. I only wanted you, Kirsten. Only you. You were always in my mind and in my heart, baby. You. We were driving back to Newport and we ended up in a ditch. She ran. Fled, Kirsten. She left to protect herself. I don't know what she wanted from me, anymore. She was turning to the past and for a moment, so was I. There's a reason why she came back, Kirsten. I realized that I love only you," said Sandy, taking her hands in his.

"You needed someone else to reassure you of your feelings for me? She was in love with you, Sandy! Don't tell me that that doesn't complicate things! I don't care about why she left. I don't care about what she thinks. I don't care about her, Sandy. I cared about us and apparently, you needed her to sort out your feelings about us," said Kirsten, pulling her hand away from her and throwing them up in defeat. She turned from him, frustrated at his confession. She never realized how he felt about her. About their love.

"I was… I am in love with you. I came back to you and I realized that I needed you. Only you. Rebecca, she's my past. You're everything to me, Kirsten. I didn't need her to sort anything out. Kirsten, I swear to you, she only reinforced my feelings for you. I don't need her. Baby, listen to me, nothing happened between us. We kissed. That's it but I didn't need her. I care too much about us." Sandy wrapped his arms around Kirsten, burying his face in her shoulder. He didn't care that her back was to him. He just needed to hold her. He needed her to understand that. She couldn't move. She had to admit, she needed him too. But how much? She felt tears sting her eyes as she digested what he had said. _We kissed._

"You kissed her?" asked Kirsten, suddenly. Sandy's eyes snapped open. He had relished in knowing that she hadn't left him. That his words still influenced her. He, however, had forgotten his confession. He had kissed Rebecca.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby," whispered Sandy, quietly into her shoulder.

"Why? Sandy? Just answer me that. Why was she was more important to you than me? Why every time you left me to be with her." Kirsten took a deep breath. It was happening. Everything was being exposed. Feelings that had been cast aside were resurfacing. Thoughts that hadn't been expressed were being verbalized. Kirsten realized the inevitable. The way things were going, it was going to happen. She had no choice. They needed to do it. There was no way out.

"She was never more important to me than you. Never. It was a part of my past that I needed to face again. I never meant to leave you. Or to make you doubt my feelings for you." He turned her around in his arms, his eyes pleading desperately with hers. _Please._

"I want to believe you but a part of me can't." _I'm sorry, Sandy. _She looks at him, the tears threatening to escape. She felt the lump in her throat get bigger, almost painful. She walked away from him, turning her back to him and walking toward the glass door. She looked out at the sky. It's darkness creeping into her.

"Baby, believe me we belong together," he followed her to the door, putting an arm around her waist. He was trying to reassure her. She shook him off gently. She didn't need this. Not anymore. Not when his words were contrasting with his previous actions.

"Then tell me how its possible that someone from your past comes back and its like we don't exist anymore. Tell me that. Tell me how its possible that you forgot our anniversary and Rebecca was nowhere near us. Tell me that we're supposed to be together despite everything that's happened. Prove it to me, Sandy, because I don't know how to believe in anything anymore," cried Kirsten. Her voice cracked slightly as a tear fell onto her cheek. She was beyond upset. She was crushed.

Sandy took her face in his hands, staring deeply into her eyes. She felt her heart melt. Deny as she tried, he still knew how to make her go weak in the knees. He leaned in slowly, touching his lips to hers. He frowned slightly into her lips when he didn't feel her respond. He felt her take a deep breath as she reciprocated the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. She kissed him with urgency. He would be hard to forget. They broke away, breathless. "Because I love you. I believe in you and me. I believe in the Sandy and Kirsten that have existed for over twenty years. I love you."

"You abandoned me," said Kirsten, sadly, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry."

"Do you ever wonder why I turned to Carter? Hmmm? He was my surrogate you, Sandy. He was funny and smart and talented and passionate. He reminded me of you except he was there and you weren't. When the boys left there was a rift between us. And then Rebecca came and it just got bigger everyday. Carter walked into my life and it was like there was someone who wanted me again. Someone wanted to be around me, with me. I drank away my pain for you, Sandy. I didn't want to hurt anymore so I drank with him so that we didn't have to hurt anymore. And then he told me he was leaving. I felt broken all over again. I didn't understand why everyone who cared about me, left me. So, I invited him to dinner. Here. So that I could see where I stood with him. He kissed me. I kissed him and I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him to stay. I didn't want to give him reason to stay because floating in he back of my mind was you. I couldn't have an affair with him. All my thoughts somehow drifted to you because I loved you. I didn't want to betray you because I wanted us to work. I loved you so much that it hurt me all over again. When he left, I felt empty again. There was no one for me again so I tried to numb it. I tried to numb that pain so I didn't have to feel anymore. Being passed out or out of my mind was better than having to deal with the fact that I was alone, again," blurted Kirsten. The tears flowed freely as she confronted all her hidden feelings. She had never told anyone why she "crushed" Carter. Why he was so important to her. Julie was given a vague idea. Sandy was given the truth. It wasn't pretty.

"I'm sorry I left you and that you had to feel that way. Kirsten, all I wanted was closure with her. I never meant to make it seem like I was choosing her over you. We were finally back to someplace normal when she came back. I never meant to ruin it. I never meant to hurt you. I kept turning to her because she needed me and you didn't," replied Sandy. His feelings were hurt at some point, too. Even if it didn't justify his actions, he had to be taken into account.

"How can you say I didn't need you!" exclaimed Kirsten, wiping the tears from her face, angrily

"You shut me away all summer!" defended Sandy. Their voices growing louder. Their emotions were taking their toll on them. Their pent up aggression, pain was bursting at the seams.

"I never meant to. I just wanted them home! Why can't you understand that?"

"I never meant to go to her or to choose her because I will always choose you! It has always been you, Kirsten! It will always be you! _You_ need to understand that!"

"How can I be sure of that? I gave you opportunities to do that and you went to her every time. It crushes me, Sandy," said Kirsten, her voice softening.

"I don't know what to do to make you see that I love you and that I never meant for any of this to happen. What do you want Kirsten? I'll do anything just to make you see that we're meant to be together. Tell me what you want. I'll give it to you," said Sandy, his eyes beginning to fill with tears. He felt her hesitation. Her tension. Her decision. For years, they had been able to understand what the other was thinking. This had been disrupted by their lies, distrust, and hurt. Their groove was back. He could tell what she was thinking. He just didn't want to believe it.

"I want closure." And there it was. She had done it.

"What? You don't mean you want a divorce. Not because of this. We've been through so much, we can't give up now. Kirsten, baby, please," begged Sandy, taking her hands in his.

"Look how easy it was for them to come in a ruin everything. Twenty years of marriage and they walk in for a few months and it shatters," said Kirsten, a soft sob escaping her lips. She couldn't contain herself much longer. She hated what she was putting him through. Her pain and his was overwhelming her as tears fell continuously onto her flushed cheek.

"So you do want a divorce. Kirsten, please, don't…" Sandy's head dropped slowly, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"I don't want a divorce but maybe we need to take a step back." Her tone was reassuring but still so full of doubt that it confused him. He didn't know what she wanted anymore. He couldn't understand how it had gotten this far.

"You want a separation?"

"Maybe we need time apart to see if what we had is still there and if we still want the same things…" began Kirsten, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"I just want to be with you Kirsten."

"Please, Sandy," said Kirsten softly. Her eyes pleaded with him as she saw him sigh in defeat. He could never resist her requests. Even if it destroyed him inside. She was the voice in his head. She was right, something had changed between them. Her every wish had been his command and that hadn't been the case for a while. She silently asked him on several occasions to stay with her and he had always turned to Rebecca.

"For how long?"

"For however long we need to figure this out."

"And Seth? And Ryan?"

"Let's not tell them anything for now. They don't need to know quite yet. Not until we're sure about what's going on between us. I don't want to upset them. They've been through enough this year. This summer, alone. It's not fair to them."

"Not fair to them! What about me, Kirsten? What about last night? What was that to you? What about the day you came back? All those times we were together. Laughing and kissing like we used to. What about when we made love? What about that, Kirsten? Didn't that mean anything! I thought we were back on common ground. You called me in the middle of the day to tell me you loved me. You made me feel like everything was forgiven. That nothing was going to try to break us again. Kirsten, answer me!" cried Sandy, his voice raising, several tears falling loose. Kirsten had fallen silent, unable to look at him through the glazed eyes. She blinked as his hands gripped her arms, forcing her to look at him.

"I needed to know how you felt, Sandy! I needed to know how I felt! Just let this be! Let it happen! If we're meant to be together, then we'll find a way back to each other!" said Kirsten, loudly, her cries muffled through the lump in her throat.

"Kirsten, why are you doing this?" asked Sandy, softly.

"Because I don't know if you and I work anymore! I don't know, Sandy. When I came back, it was like things were back to normal again. We laughed and kissed and I missed you. Last night was everything to me Sandy. It was, I swear it. But one night doesn't change months of waiting and wondering and hurt. It doesn't. I wish it did. But it doesn't. Nothing can change that you and I wanted other people. That we almost weren't loyal to each other. Sandy. We both need to figure this out. What we want and what we need. I love you, Sandy. I really do. We just both need this to figure things out. If we still want the same things. If we still want each other. Dammit, Sandy, just… please," yelled Kirsten, her voice softening at toward he end as her body was racked with sobs. She began to shake as Sandy took her into his arms.

She wept into him as he rubbed her back. "Okay," he whispered, "okay." They held each other close as they cried together. Afraid of being apart. Still in love.


	11. The Beach and Trial

Alright, this is still chapter 11, we just put both parts together for better flow. Lol. There haven't been any changes. :D Also, there is an addition of two new characters. Mark is an early-forties podiatrist, who teaches surfing on the side. Katherine is also in her late thirties and works for at the PD's office. She enjoys surfing as well. These characters are ours. Well, Enjoy and please continue to read and review. D

Chapter 11: The Beach and Trial

She wept into him as he rubbed her back. "Okay," he whispered, "okay." They held each other close as they cried together. Afraid of being apart. Still in love.

Kirsten and Sandy, though amidst their agreement could not make themselves sleep without each other. They still needed each other's comforts. Tomorrow night, they would try separate beds. Bedrooms, even. They, however, could not manage to figure out how to sleep in separate bedrooms without the boys noticing. If Sandy slept in the guest room, Seth would surely notice when he woke up. The couch was also not a very good alternative. Secretly, Sandy and Kirsten liked the fact that they would still have to sleep together. At least for now.

Sandy woke up to find Kirsten's spot vacant, replaced only with a note on her pillow. "Sandy, I've gone out for the morning. I'll be in later in the day. Kirsten." Sandy sighed to himself. So this was what the infamous Sandy and Kirsten had been reduced to. Scratches on a piece of paper. No kisses in the morning. Nothing. Sandy swung his legs over the side of the bed, shuffling his slippers onto his feet as he let out a loud yawn. He stretched before tilting his head side to side until he heard a satisfying, faint crack. He would head to the beach. What else was there for him to do? He needed to clear his head. Figure out how to see other people without going completely insane.

"Hi. I'm Kirsten Cohen. I was told to see someone named Mark for surfing lessons?" said Kirsten, uncertainly to a young man sitting behind the surfing shack booth. She fidgeted slightly in place. Her wetsuit hung at her hips, exposing her black Dior bikini top. Her hair was done in a messy ponytail as the wind whipped it slightly at her neck. That same wind blew against the surfboard she was holding, threatening to either knock her over or fall out of her hands. She gasped lightly as she felt her grip wane. She struggled to hold it in her arms.

"Whoa, there. You're going to want to be careful there, miss. If it's too heavy for you, just grab it at the end and drag the other. It'll be easier for you," said a voice from behind her. The man had a surfboard in one arm as he held hers in place. She smiled gratefully and re-adjusted her board's position in her arms.

"Thank you," she said, quietly, looking at her savior. She looked up to meet a pair of honey brown eyes that shone in the sunlight. The man had short brown hair that danced lightly in the breeze. His wetsuit hung at his hips, exposing a well defined chest and broad shoulders. Beads of, what Kirsten assumed to be a combination of sweat and saltwater, accentuated the tanned skin that was stretched upon his muscular body. Her eyes followed as a trickle fell from his hair down to his collarbone, his chest, and his abdomen, disappearing in a thin trail of hair from his navel to beyond the suit. His eyes caught hers as he smiled, nodding as a sign of "No problem."

"He's behind you," said the gruff voice from behind the booth. Kirsten turned around briefly, signaling her attention to the clerk and then back to the man that stood before her.

"Kirsten, right?" said Mark, forcing his board into the sand. She nodded, shyly as she stuck out her manicured hand. She smiled, acknowledging his voice. Rough. Deep. English.

"And you're Mark," she concluded. He chuckled lightly, nodding.

"First surfing lesson?" asked Mark, motioning for them to walk toward a small isolated part of the beach. Kirsten nodded as she watched as others tried to learn how to surf. She never liked the ocean. The fish. God knows what else. It was that day they all spent the day at the beach when Kirsten truly appreciated the beauty it held. Sandy always said he felt at peace whilst on a wave. He felt one with the water. She just wanted to keep a part of him near her. What better than taking an interest in his passion? Even if it was too late.

Mark watched her in awe as she picked up on his teaching almost immediately. He watched her as she talked passionately about her family. Her witty son, Seth and her deeper son, Ryan. There was something about this Kirsten Cohen that he wanted to know more about. Something about her captivated him. Maybe it was her cute button nose. Her piercing blue eyes. Her angular jaw. Maybe it was everything about her. He found himself opening up to her. Enjoying the sound of her laugh when he made a joke. There was something about Kirsten Cohen that he liked more than an instructor should. There was something about Kirsten Cohen that he wanted.

Kirsten couldn't help herself from admiring Mark. He had opened up about his desire to pursue surfing, his foot injury that drove him into podiatry and his drive to keep the sport he loved so much in his life. She, also, couldn't help but admire his body. There was something about Mark that made her want to become braver. Fearless. Daring. He had managed to surpass everything that was thrown his way. He was stronger than she had ever imagined. He had managed to make her open up about everything. Even Sandy. It didn't help her much that he was English. She always did have a soft spot for sexy accents. There was something about Mark that she wanted.

Mark had persuaded Kirsten into testing her newfound standing skills in the water. She paddled out into the water, Mark close behind. She choked on the saltwater splashing up from the sharper waves. They turned around, facing the shore as they waited for a small wave. "Remember, Kirsten. Paddle and then get up. Keep your feet steady and use your arms for balance, just like we practiced, okay?" said Mark, reassuringly. She nodded nervously as she watched the perfect wave come up from behind her. She lay on her belly, no longer straddling her board. She paddled hard, eventually hitting the peak point of the wave. She felt a sudden surge of energy as she lifted herself up with her arms and legs. She stood for a moment, struggling to keep balance as she attempted to ride the small wave. She cowered for a moment as she lost her place and fell into the water. Her head sprang up as she coughed lightly.

Mark swam up to her, helping her onto her board as he laughed gently, "That was good, Kiki. Very good, actually. Do you want to try again?"

Kirsten straddled her board, staring at him. _Kiki._ What had possessed him to call her that? She knew that they were getting on well but to call her that dreaded nickname reserved only for her father. "Uh, I, uh, need to take a break. I'm just going to head back to shore and tan on the beach for a while. I'll see you in a bit," said Kirsten, rushing off to shore. Mark stared after her dumbfounded. What had he said?

Kirsten walked to the part of the beach where there were more people, tanning or making sandcastles. She didn't want to be isolated with Mark or the other surfers. She undid her bikini straps and lay belly down upon her towel, allowing the sun to radiate her silky vanilla skin. She closed her eyes, thinking about what had just happened. About what was happening. She and Sandy were on a break. She was surfing with Mark, who had just called her "Kiki". He captivated her. She didn't know why. Maybe it was his passion, his drive. The same things that she loved so dearly in Sandy. A voice above her interrupted her thoughts, "Have I offended you in some way, Kirsten?"

She squinted up to see Mark's face peering down at her, the sun burning her eyes. She sighed deeply as she shook her head, "No."

"I got the vibe that you didn't want to be around me for a minute there," began Mark, lowering himself to her level. The hot sand felt good upon his knees. He knew he would have been more comfortable on Kirsten's towel but he didn't want to violate her space. Kirsten smiled lightly before shrugging off his deduction.

"Look, I like teaching you and I don't really know what I've done wrong for you to be giving me the cold shoulder."

"You called me 'Kiki'" stated Kirsten, simply, resting her head on her arms and closing her eyes once more.

"Is that bad?"

"My father used to call me that. He was the only one who was allowed to call me that and he passed away. I hated that nickname but it was okay when he said it. No one else is allowed to use that name for me. Only him… and well, Julie Cooper," blurted Kirsten. Her honesty shocked her. Here she was, lying on the beach telling a stranger about her father, a touchy subject with anyone.

"I'm so sorry, Kirsten but in my defense I didn't know about your father, so you can't really hold that against me," said Mark, lightly.

"Oh yes, I can," said Kirsten, simply, smiling to herself. _God. Am I flirting with him?_ Guilt tore at Kirsten as she thought about Sandy. It had been less than 24 hours since they had decided to take a break. Separate. And here she was flirting with a man, who could quite possibly be one of the sexiest things to ever wash up on Newport Beach. _Oh God. _She tried to pep talk herself. Convince herself that she needed to move on and the best time to start would be immediately. She needed to push Sandy Cohen out her mind as soon as possible. She couldn't let this separation go on for longer than needed. She wasn't going to pine over Sandy and their break while their relationship festered and stewed away. She wasn't going to spend extra time pained and hurt. Nope. Kirsten Cohen was going to cast her feelings for Sandy aside. Immediately. There would be no waiting. She wanted this to be over. She was sick of hurting. Crying. The sooner she knew how she felt. The sooner the healing would begin. This was her mantra as she glanced over at the sun cream sticking out of her bag. "I know how you can make it up to me, though," she began.

"By buying you dinner?" asked Mark.

Kirsten giggled lightly, "Very smooth. But I was thinking more along the lines of you re-applying that sun cream over there to my back. I don't want to get burned." Mark chuckled in amusement as he leant over her and grabbed the bottle. He smirked to himself as he squeezed the bottle tightly, the cool cream suddenly touching her heated back. She gasped, getting up slightly until she realized she had undone her strings. Mark laughed as he massaged the cream into her back. She wanted to scold him for his rotten little trick but his hands were doing the most wonderful things to her back, relieving the tension. The stress. Her eyes drifted to a close as she remembered what she wanted to do, "I'd better not catch you sneaking a peak or trying to touch me because I will release the hurt," said Kirsten, firmly. Inside she was laughing, making a mental note to thank Seth and Summer for the "hurt" line. Mark smiled as he felt her relax beneath his fingertips. His smile began to fade but resurfaced again at realizing that she had fallen asleep and was now making noises he had never heard a woman make before. A cross between a moan and a snore. _Cute._

At that very moment, Sandy was walking around the beach, trying to find somewhere to park his towel and his things but it seemed as though all the good spots were taken. He looked out toward the ocean. All he needed was some four-footers to kick his ass and maybe clear his head. The beach wasn't particularly crowded but all the best places to stay were occupied by lovers and tanning women. _Women. _Sandy looked around, using his hand to shade his eyes as he saw from the corner of his eye a woman waving at him. She looked familiar. Her dark brown hair swaying side to side as she motioned enthusiastically, "Sandy!"

"Katherine!" said Sandy, approaching the woman and recognizing her. They had met at the PD's office, many years ago but had lost contact when he had begun working for Partridge, Savage and Kahn. Sandy paused for a moment. There was an odd sound in the air. It stuck out at him, even though the chatter from the nearby people should have drowned it out. The sound was familiar. He felt an odd feeling stir within him. He looked around as he heard it again. It was a cute sound, a cross between a moan and a snore. Kirsten used to make that noise. He continued to search, dumbfounded at how it was possible to hear the noises Kirsten made at the beach so early in the morning. He realized it was coming from his left side. His eyes were cast in that direction only to find a man massaging a woman. Sandy smiled bitterly. _If only Kirsten had joined me those other times, we would have had that couple's kind of fun._ His eyes gazed longingly at the woman's wetsuit, wondering if Kirsten had ever used the one he had bought her when they had moved to Newport.

Kirsten's eyes sprang open as Mark poked her sides. She gasped as she quickly re-did her straps turning over to glare at him, "Mark, that is not funny!" Mark shrugged as he began to tickle her once more. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing. It didn't work. Kirsten burst out laughing, kicking her legs frantically, trying to push his wiggling fingers away from her.

"Hey, you need to get up and finish that lesson, Kirsten," said Mark, his grin evident as Kirsten's hair flew past him. Her shampoo still lingered upon it, it's scent intoxicating as it mixed with the smell of seawater. Mark felt his breath hitch in his chest. _Perfect._

Sandy's eyes grew wide as he processed what had just happened. _Kirsten. Beach. Wetsuit. Massage. Mark. Tickling._

Sandy tried to put aside the fact that he had just seen his wife in a bikini and wetsuit, giggling around with some strange man. He tried to put aside the fact that she was flirting with him and then proceeded to leave toward some other part of the beach with him. _When did she start surfing anyway?_

Sandy couldn't help but let jealousy override him. He had always asked her to surf with him. A surfing lesson, some time on the beach. She had always declined.

"_What about surfing? When are we going to get you in the ocean?"_

"_With the fish? Eugh."_

Now she was here, at the beach, her hair dampened with saltwater. Her back covered in cream that _he_ had rubbed onto her shoulders.

Sandy's balance wavered as his thoughts wandered elsewhere, no longer on the water beneath him, which was now coming up fast behind him. He plunged into the water as he was knocked off his board. _Never let your mind wander._ He choked on the saltwater as his head reappeared above the water. He heard a laugh. A laugh not unlike Kirsten's. It was light and cheerful, like a tinkling sound. He smiled as he heard a light snort. Almost exactly like Kirsten's. His eyes met a pair of soulful brown eyes. Kirsten's were a deep blue.

"Nice job, Cohen. That was really… graceful," laughed Katherine. Sandy smiled as he waded next to her, his board in tow. She clutched her stomach as she took deep breaths, missing the mischievous grin painted upon his face. He grabbed her arm and pulled her in. It was his turn to laugh as her head appeared above water, splashing him, catching him off guard. He splashed back, not noticing the surf behind him or the fact that his board was now at a higher level than him. Katherine's eyes grew wide as Sandy turned his attention to the board, which was now plunging at him. He dove into the water as he heard the wave crash around him.

He resurfaced above water, searching around for his board and Katherine. Both were in view. Katherine was sputtering water as she fought to catch her breath. The wave had tossed her slightly, causing her to swallow water. The salt did not go down as well as it usually did. Sandy glanced at her sympathetically. Katherine stared at him. Her coughs were accompanied by an angry glare in Sandy's direction as she splashed him roughly. "Sandy! You broke my top! How am I supposed to get back to shore now?" she asked.

"_I_ broke it?

"Well, I sure as hell didn't break it myself! Get over here and make yourself useful," said Katherine, roughly grabbing him and placing him in front of her. He smiled to himself as he led them to shore, his body and his surfboard her only covering from prying eyes. Her grip on his arm tightened as she felt the older men's eyes burning her half naked body.

Oddly enough, he liked protecting her. There was something about Katherine he had always liked. Maybe it was all their similarities. Maybe it was the scar on her left shoulder from when she had fallen off her board and hit some rock beneath the water. Maybe it was the way her hair fell around her when she worked. The way she would tap her pencil nervously when they were in trial. Maybe it was all the above and more. There was something about Katherine he had never noticed before. There was something about Katherine he liked.

Katherine smiled as he watched him shield her. He was always so gallant. Charming, too. There was something about Sandy Cohen she had always liked. Maybe it was the way his eyebrows would perk up when he would think of something ingenious. Maybe it was the way he would sing show tunes loudly as he worked. Maybe it was his random jokes that he just had to tell. Like a kid who just received their first knock-knock joke and had to tell their parents. Whatever it was, there was something about Sandy she liked.

When they had finally made it to their belongings, Sandy strategically lifted her towel with his toes and lifted it to cover her. He turned away as she changed, her bare arms showing above the large beach towel. Sandy swallowed the lump in his throat as he teased her, "Holy Moses, Katherine, take another year, why don't you!" Katherine laughed, reaching over the towel and slapping him gently.

"Hey!" he yelped, shaking the towel as she gasped.

"Don't you dare! Sandy! Cut it out! Cohen, oh for goodness' sake!"

Sandy laughed to himself as he nodded to her and held the towel straight. He didn't notice Kirsten standing only feet away from them, staring. She watched in shock as Katherine threw the towel down from his hands and leant over, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek. Kirsten watched as Katherine looked as if she had leapt onto the sand, fetching Sandy his towel. Katherine mischievously grinned as she slapped the towel onto his head and shook it gently. "Hey!"

"Dry off and I'll stick our boards in the sandy, 'kay?" she asked, picking up her purple and white surfboard and shoving it forcefully into the sand. Sandy held the towel in place with one hand as he nodded, looking at her through scruffy, salt watered hair and a towel. He smiled at her, noticing how her tanned skin was accentuated by drops of saltwater and sweat. Kirsten seethed, gritting her teeth and gathering her things quickly. Kirsten couldn't believe it. _Sandy. Towel. Bikini Top. Surfboard. Katherine. Flirting. _


	12. The Younger Generation Confrontation

**A huge thanks goes to Em, for helping us with this chapter. You're brilliant:D We are so sorry for taking so incredibly long but she's been sick lately and hasn't really had the time to do anything. She then had to get caught up at school. So, again, we apologize. Okay, well for certain purposes, we will assume that Ryan does have Sandy's punching bag in the pool house already. Just because we need a little aggression on Ryan's part. It seems like Ryan's getting a little soft. Comments? Suggestions? Feel free to contact us. We like getting to know our fellow Kandy fans. Ah, yes, Read, and Review please. :D**

He stood on the pier; looking down at them, fear in his eyes. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be seeing what he had been seeing. His mother couldn't have been giggling and flirting with another man… not while her husband was barely feet away. His father couldn't have been protecting and flirting with another woman… not while his wife was barely feet away. He had thought he had been seeing things. He wasn't seeing things. He noticed his parents beginning to gather their belongings separately. Even apart, they did things simultaneously.

He took one last glance before gripping the wood beneath his fingertips roughly. He was going to find out what the hell was going on. He didn't want there to be secrets and lies. Those always only destroyed relationships. He couldn't face that again. Were they lying about being a family?

He clambered onto his bicycle, his head riddled with questions. He'd beat his parents to the house. He'd be there waiting. He pedaled quickly to the house. He'd face them. Confront them. He had to be jumping to conclusions. Ryan simply had to be or else his family was falling apart.

Ryan sat in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee in his hands. Waiting. He stared at the black liquid before him, pausing to listen to the sound of the front door opening. The familiar sound of her footsteps ringing through the house. The sound of her keys and purse being laid onto the table. The scent of her perfume already becoming known to the house's inhabitants. Kirsten was home.

"Mom, is that you?" asked Ryan, staring once again at his coffee.

"Uh, yeah, Ryan, honey, I'm in the family room," replied Kirsten from the other room. She had just walked into the family room. She found it odd that Ryan was looking for her. The intonation of his voice was different somehow. Scared but so full of determination that it scared her a little bit.

Ryan downed the last bit of the bitter liquid before depositing it in the sink and making his way toward Kirsten. He would get his answers now. "So, what'd you do today?"

"Uh, I was on the beach for most of the day," she began, flipping nonchalantly through a small stack of Welcome Home cards from Taryn, Veronica and other random Newpsies.

"…With another man," finished Ryan. Kirsten stopped looking at the cards. Her eyes transfixed at Ryan. His eyes blazing with a fear and anger that surmounted his usual looks of passion and youth. He knew.

"Ryan…" she began. She looked nervously around the room. _Shit._

"Look I saw you, mom. In your bikini and wetsuit, flirting and laughing with a man who sure as hell wasn't dad," said Ryan, bluntly.

Kirsten looked for a way out. What was she supposed to say? _Ryan, you don't know what you're talking about? _She took a deep breath and put down the cards she had been holding. "Ryan, I'm so sorry you had to see that but you don't understand." She turned away from him as she sought a way to explain to her son what she had been doing with Mark.

"What's not to understand? You. Another man. I can put two and two together. I just can't believe you. After everything that you said to me, about this family staying together. You said this was my chance at a normal family. You said that nothing was going to happen. Nothing would go wrong. That I was getting a second chance at stability and that you weren't going to let me down or anything anymore. You didn't let me down before, mom. You're letting me down now,"

Kirsten's eyes welled with tears as his words stung her. He was right, she was hurting them all over again. She turned to face him, walking toward him briskly and running her hands over his arms before taking his hands in hers, "Baby, listen to me… it's not what you think."

Ryan looked down at their hands before staring her straight in the eye, "Then explain it to me. Because I don't get why you'd do this to me, to Dad."

"Ryan…" said Kirsten, reluctantly.

"Please?" he begged. His voice betrayed him as he meant to sound stronger and more forceful. His voice reflected his innocence and concern, his boyish and usually hidden characteristic.

Kirsten nodded, "You can't tell, Seth. Not until we're ready to tell him."

"Mom, you're scaring me," said Ryan, shakily.

Kirsten took in a deep breath, lifting one hand to cup his cheek. "Your father and I…" she began.

"…are separated," finished a deep voice from behind them. Sandy stood, leaning against the frame of the door, running a hand through his hair.

Ryan stood, frozen. His eyes wide, he swallowed the lump in his throat. Had he heard right? The Sandy and Kirsten. Separated? "What?" he asked, the disbelief in his voice evident.

"Yeah, what!" said a voice from the other doorway.

Kirsten cursed under her breath as she recognized the voice. "Seth," she whispered softly before turning around.

Sandy walked over to Kirsten, touching the small of her back. Her eyes closed as she relished at the soft gesture. She missed him so much already it hurt. She needed to stick this through though. She needed him to sort out his feelings for her. She needed to do the same. Over twenty years of lingering touches, soft caresses, and sweet kisses were hard to forget and now, she had to try to live without them for the time being. "Sit down, son. Both of you," he said, motioning for them to sit down. The family sat down, the youth sitting away from the parents.

"Look, we didn't want to have to tell you unless we were sure about what was going on between us," began Kirsten, softly.

"Are you getting a divorce?" asked Seth, plainly, staring at the ground and playing with his thumbs.

"Of course not," said Kirsten, quickly. Divorce had never crossed her mind. It was just a separation. They were going to get back together. This was a simple test that they were going to pass. _There's a reason why we're together. _

"How can you give them a definite answer, Kirsten?" asked Sandy, taken back. He looked her straight in the eye. _I had that suspicion. _She blinked at him, taking in the plain suggestion. Divorce was a possibility if things didn't get back on track. If they failed the test, _she_ forced them to take. She would no longer be Kirsten Cohen. She didn't know who she'd be.

"Sandy…"

"For now, no. We're on a trial separation," interrupted Sandy.

Seth and Ryan looked at each other fearfully before each turning their gaze to their parents and then the floor. How could this be happening? What had become of Sandy and Kirsten, moral center of the universe? The infamous Cohens. The epitome of love. Broken?

"God," whispered Ryan, cradling his head in his hands.

Seth shook his head slowly at first, then becoming more aggressive. He stood up, breathing heavily, his hands balled into fists, his knuckles turning white. His voice first came out in a bare whisper, growing into a full yell, "No. No. Do you hear me? No!"

"Seth," said Kirsten, staring at her son. He was never one to yell. Kirsten stood up, slowly taking a step toward him, motioning slightly to take him into her arms.

"Don't. Don't you dare. It's your fault. You left us!" spat Seth, backing himself against the sofa. Seth shook his head again and put up his hand motioning for her to stay away from him. Kirsten looked at him, hurt, tears forming in her eyes. _Oh, God. _She sat down, rubbing her upper arm nervously. _He hates me. My own son. Hates me. _Kirsten glanced around, nervously. Something was familiar about this conversation.

"Don't speak to your mother that way," said Sandy, standing up suddenly.

"No. Sandy, let him speak. I want to hear this," said Kirsten, taking Sandy's hand and pulling him back down onto the couch. She squeezed his hand as she held her breath for what Seth was going to say.

"Oh you do, do you? You did this. You pushed dad away all year. And then you got a little problem. You became an alcoholic. You drank and drank and you then left. You left us for two months because you couldn't control yourself. You were the rock of this family, mom. When you left, the house fell apart. You caused all of this. And now, now you have the nerve to go off and cheat on my father. Your husband. You're the cause of everything," spat Seth. Ryan pulled him back down onto the couch and gave him a warning glare. Seth opened his mouth to protest but recognizing the look, closed it immediately. Ryan always knew how to convey a message with only a look. _Back off._

"You've got it all wrong, Seth," said Kirsten, shaking her head gently. She fought with herself, trying to make her sound stronger, less pained, not on the verge of tears. The seeming hatred from Seth to herself, felt too familiar. It was beginning to scare her. _I am a good mother! I know I am not the perfect Carol Brady mom but I love you. I gave you everything you ever wanted!_

"Do I? Do I really, mom?" asked Seth, bitter.

"You do. She's not cheating on me. We're separated. We want to see other people to see if we have something left to save between us. Don't blame your mother for any of this. This was our choice, son. Your mother's and mine. I know you don't mean what's coming out of your mouth. You're just upset and that's natural but, son, don't take it out on your mother. She loves you," responded Sandy, taking Kirsten's hand in his own and rubbing it soothingly. He could sense her pain. Holding her hand was all he could do to try to ease it, just a little.

Ryan rolled his eyes, discreetly as he listened to his father. Always the lawyer. It was beginning to sound, to Ryan as though everything had been Kirsten's doing. It sounded condescending, knowing, superior. As this rung through his head, Ryan was shaking his head lightly. This wasn't only Kirsten's business. It was Sandy's too. "Oh don't you start with that condescending bullshit," said Ryan, suddenly.

"What?" asked Sandy, forgetting for a moment, Ryan's use of inappropriate language.

"Don't act like you've done nothing wrong and that this is all about her," said Ryan, coldly. Kirsten looked up at him through watery eyes, realizing that Ryan had seen it all. Herself and Mark. Sandy and Katherine. She didn't blink a moment as she watched her son, fidget in place, angry. Hurt.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? This was _our_ choice," defended Sandy, not realizing that Ryan had bore witness to the day's flirtatious events.

"Yeah, I heard you. You're acting like you haven't been with anyone else," spat Ryan, bitterly.

"What?" asked Seth, staring at his brother, slowly processing what he was insinuating.

"I saw you there too, dad. With that dark haired woman. She was hugging you, holding on to you. She kissed your cheek, dad. So, don't sit there and act like you haven't done anything wrong," said Ryan, his eyes flashing with burning intensity.

"Ryan, I…" began Sandy. For the first time, Sandy Cohen was at a loss for words.

"So, it's true. Isn't it, dad?" asked Seth, fully understanding why his father had begun his stutter.

"Seth…"

"It's the both of you! What the f-" began Seth.

"Seth!" interrupted Kirsten, flashing Seth a warning glare before turning her attention to Ryan, "Ryan, we _both_ were with other people today. We, _both,_ decided to take this break. I'm sorry, boys. We both are. We never meant to put this on you."

"So you were going to keep it secret? You were going to wait until we saw you two kissing other people? You were going to lie in front of us!" asked Seth, loudly, becoming slightly hysterical.

"It's not like that," defended Kirsten, shaking her head.

"What is it like then, mom? Dad? You were going to wait until we read it in the paper? Or until you two decide to get a divorce? Or until you two get remarried?" asked Seth, furiously. He knew he was overreacting but he was hurt beyond comprehension. He didn't understand why this was happening.

"Seth, you're overreacting. Just please, calm down. I know this is difficult to understand but you have to try," said Sandy. Seth stared at him, his father, remembering last year when he had said that his father was like a superhero. _He surfs, he sings and he reads minds. _Sandy had read his mind, yet again.

"I thought I was through with this. The lies and the cheating. I was supposed to have put this behind me," said Ryan, sadly. He shook his head as he stood, looking Kirsten straight in the eye.

"Ryan…" she began.

"How did this happen? Yesterday you two wouldn't cut it out with the mushiness. You two were all over each other and now, you two are separated!" asked Seth softly. His voice very small and quiet. This part of Seth was rarely seen. It worried the Cohen family but then again, this was no ordinary situation. Seth twiddled his thumbs absent-mindedly as he thought of his parents two years ago. They were always all over each other, Seth couldn't forbid them enough but still, they continued on with their morning hugs and whispers over coffee and their later morning kisses and make outs. Seth had caught them too many a time and now that same couple two years later was on the verge of divorce. _Divorce. _The dreaded word that the whole family dreaded to hear or contemplate. A divorce would mean that the family would split up. Seth and Ryan would go where?

"What's going to happen now? What's going to happen? Mom? Dad?" asked Ryan, tentatively. The same thoughts were running through his head. His parents had adopted him two years ago. He thought things were changing then. New home, new town, new people, new family. His first family was somewhat of a mess. He could barely call them family. He was the youngest member of the Atwood family. The most abused. Growing up a troubled teen, Ryan never thought he had a chance. Then a man named Sandy Cohen rescued him. His wife, Kirsten Cohen welcomed him. His son, Seth Cohen, befriended him. This family, this same family that had changed his whole world was now crumbling before him. One relationship hanging in the balance, holding the others at bay.

"We wait. That's all we can do, son," replied Sandy. He had meant to sound reassuring, loving. His voice betrayed him, demonstrating to all what he really felt. The truth and honesty in his voice told the family to be worried because for the first time in what had seemed like ages, Sandy Cohen was afraid.

"Right. Wait. Because that always fixes everything," said Ryan, sarcastically.

"Ryan. Seth. Baby, I'm so sorry," said Kirsten, choking slightly on the lump in her throat. Tears threatened to spill from her sorrowed ocean blue eyes. They seemed to glisten almost from the tears. Her eyes were sad.

"You'll fix this. Right, mom? Dad? You always do," responded Ryan hopefully. He sounded like a child just then. The child he had never been allowed to be. In the Atwood family, he was the adult. He took care of his mother, looked out for his brother. No one cared for him. He had been welcomed into a family, where he was free to be the teenager he was meant to be. He was free to be young. This family, however, was beginning to fall apart.

"Ryan…" began Kirsten, slowly rising to meet him.

"You have to…" whispered Ryan, quietly before standing and walking toward the pool house.

"You see what you've done? Good job," said Seth, briskly walking away from his parents, leaving Kirsten in tears and Sandy in shock.

Sandy wrapped his arms around Kirsten as she wept into his chest. They both relished in the feeling of being so close. Kirsten clung to him, her arms encircled around his waist, grabbing the fabric of his shirt. Kirsten's tears were relentless. Kirsten missed being in his arms. She still needed him. Sandy kept his arms tightly around her small, shaking frame. His chin rested on the top of her head, her silken hair beneath his skin. He missed the smell of her hair, the feel of her body against his, the touch of her skin. _No,_ he told himself firmly. He pulled back, lifting his hands to cradle her face, wiping her tears away from her flushed cheeks. He stood up and walked away. _I'm doing this for you, Kirsten._

Kirsten stared after him before nodding to herself. She, too, stood up and walked away. Sandy was going to deal with Seth. Kirsten was going to talk to Ryan. She knew Seth wouldn't want to speak to her. She understood that he still hurt over what happened last year. Their talk had resolved matters between them but that, however, would never take away the pain he had suffered, the confusion, the disappointment. He had quickly decided that everything had been her fault. The alcohol. The marriage. The separation. The cheating. _In a way, he's right._ Now wasn't the time for them to talk. They needed more time to heal. He needed to come to terms with the situation on his own. His own feelings for his mother were confusing him, forcing him to rethink his judgments. She knew she had disappointed him yet again. This tore at her heart. She and Seth were never ones to reveal to each other their deepest feelings. They just never had that relationship. It had seemed as though things were turning around. Kirsten realized that they were still headed in that direction. He had easily confronted her and had told her his feelings, his ideas toward her. She smiled for a moment. She and Seth were going to be all right.

Ryan's sweat began to irritate his burning skin. His knuckles were lit on fire as he beat Sandy's punching bag relentlessly. Sweat beaded on his forehead, above his furrowed eyebrows. _This. Can't. Be. Happening._ Suddenly, he felt a pair of cool blue eyes piercing the back of his body. _Kirsten._

Kirsten stood, leaning against the frame of the door, staring at him. His feverish eyes met hers and were muted by the softness and serene blue eyes. The tears had vanished but her eyes remained as saltwater. _"Sometimes, I swear I can see the ocean in her eyes," said Sandy. _Ryan let out a small grunt as he turned and punched the bag once more, powerfully, angry with himself for reliving the memory.

"Ryan?" said Kirsten, finally.

"What?" asked Ryan, his deep respirations mixing with the sound of the bag swinging gently on its chains.

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say. She knew even the shortest sentences with him made a difference. It wasn't always the quantity of the words spoken, rather the meaning. Ryan never liked using words.

Ryan grabbed the bag, desisting it from moving, clutching at it's rough fabric and leaning his sweaty forehead against hit, "Me too."

Kirsten shook her head as she slowly approached him, "No. You have nothing to be sorry for, Ryan. Nothing, okay?" She walked to his bed, taking a seat on the edge of it. The only sound heard in the room was the sound of the bed lightly creaking. She looked up at him and motioned for him to sit down, gently patting the area next to her.

Ryan simply nodded. He grabbed a towel before joining her on the bed. He began to wipe his forehead with it before realizing his hair was slightly damp as well. Kirsten eyed him carefully. _My son._ Her eyes met his as she took the towel from his hands and began to gingerly dry his hair. "Keep Seth safe for me, Ryan. Make sure he understands, okay?" said Kirsten, suddenly, making sure to dry his hair as best she could.

Ryan nodded carefully, aware that any drastic movement would alter Kirsten's pace.

Kirsten gave a deep sigh. All he had done thus far was apologize and nod. "Say something, won't you?" she pleaded, gently.

They sat in silence for a moment. "Do… I mean, I don't know how to ask but— Do… Do you love him?" he asked. Ryan looked down as Kirsten moved the towel from his head and placed it on her lap. She smiled at his boyish nature, watching him blush slightly. He looked up at her, expectantly. At this instant, Kirsten asked herself whether he was asking about Sandy, Carter or Mark.

"Sandy?" she asked.

Ryan nodded, once more.

She smiled and nodded before staring out into the yard, through the open door, "I do. I love him like there's no tomorrow."

"Then why this? Why separate? If you love him so much, why are you doing this?" asked Ryan, suddenly.

Kirsten took a deep sigh and folded her hands in her lap, cradling the towel and staring at it, "Because, sometimes, love just isn't enough. Your father and I need to sort out what happened between us last year. Things happened and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. This was the only way we would know for sure if we're still as Julie put it 'Sandy and Kirsten, Moral Centers of the Universe'. I don't quite understand the moral center of the universe part but I'm assuming that we've lost that spark. That passion that once made us that. We need to find it again. We found our groove. We just need to find the rest of our marriage." Kirsten looked out once more at the night sky. _That's why._

"What's going to happen, now? I need an answer, please?"

"Honestly, Ryan, I don't know. Hopefully, the best happens. I do love your father, Ryan. I still want to be with him. We just need to figure this all out," said Kirsten. She wondered for moment who she was trying to convince. Ryan or herself. Her answer wasn't definite. Far from it. She had tried to sound hopeful, as if she and Sandy were getting back together the next day. _Hopefully, the best happens… I still want to be with him._ They needed to get back together. She didn't know what she'd d otherwise. The best possible situation would be for her and Sandy to make love until the sun rose the next day. However, that wasn't going to happen. The situation was growing much more complicated than she had planned. They were supposed to go out with someone new, realize that they didn't need anyone else but the other and then come running back to each other with open arms. Mark and Katherine weren't making her ideas plausible. Mark had an effect on her that she had never thought possible. His similarity to Sandy was undeniable. It would be far too easy for her to fall for him but she couldn't do that. She had a marriage to save. Katherine's bubbly nature and controversial political views made her hard to resist for Sandy. She was the ideal woman his mother would approve of. _What am I going to do about those two?_

"Fine," muttered Ryan, snapping Kirsten from her thoughts. From her peripheral vision, she saw him nod, slowly. In understanding?

"You… understand?" she asked, tentatively.

"Yeah. When Theresa was here, Marissa and I had just broken up. I didn't love Theresa, I just needed to know. I just didn't know how I felt about her at the time. I still loved her, I just didn't know if there was an "us" to save, what with Oliver and Luke always getting in the way. It sucks that I hurt Marissa along the way of me sorting out my feelings for her…" he said, his voice drifting as she saw his eyes glaze over, thinking most likely of the events of two years ago.

"That's exactly it," she said, reassuringly placing a hand on his knee and rubbing it, lovingly.

"I just… I thought this was behind me," sighed Ryan.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan. I really am. I never meant for this to happen. I never thought that in a million years this would happen but it did. I believe that things like this happen for a reason. There's a reason why Sandy and I are together and so, there's a reason why our relationship is going through this. I'm just so sorry that you had to get caught, in a sense, the crossfire," said Kirsten, sadly, gripping his knee as she struggled to keep her tears from falling.

Kirsten and Ryan looked up as they heard someone clear their throat. Sandy stood at the doorway, his arm draped over Seth's slumped shoulders, "I'm so sorry. For what I said. For not understanding. For thinking of only myself." Seth walked over to his teary-eyed mother and embraced her tight. Kirsten's eyes widened as she was overcome with an odd feeling. The relationship between herself and Seth paralleled another but at this very moment, differed. Kirsten cast this thought aside as she shut her eyes tight, tears spilled from them, returning the hug her son had enveloped her in. Kirsten opened her mouth to say something

Seth, as if sensing she was going to speak, continued, "Please let me finish. Mom, for the longest time, you've always understood where I was coming from. I never have. I'm sorry I placed blame on you. It was wrong. I was confused and I know that isn't an excuse. I shouldn't point the finger at you just because I don't know where else it should go. I never meant any of what I said before. It was cold and harsh and cruel of me to imply that all things wrong in this family is because of you. I'm sorry, Mom."

_IF THIS FAMILY IS SCREWED UP IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU! _Kirsten, suddenly, realized whose relationship she was reminded of. Caleb and herself. Seth had blamed her as she had blamed Caleb. She felt as if she now understood the relationship between her and her father. She never hated him. As much as she complained, swore and cast him out of her life, she'd always come back. She loved him, too much. Somewhere inside of her was the 16-year-old girl, who always got what she wanted. _Daddy, I'm so sorry._ She knew it wasn't enough but it was a start. She would never get the chance to tell him how sorry she was.

Kirsten, suddenly, smelled the scent of cigars, faintly hanging in the air. She looked around, briefly and her eyes were met by a pair of soulful deep brown ones. _Seth. _She knew in that instant, she was forgiven by her father. Just as she forgave her son. She cupped his face in her hands as more tears slipped down her flushed cheeks. She kissed him, gently on the forehead. He sat next to her, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"We're gonna figure this out. I promise," said Sandy, taking a seat next to Ryan.

The Cohen's sat in a comfortable silence as the parents watched over their children, praying silently that their choices would never break their hearts, the hope of tomorrow, hanging in the air.

**Next time on Back to You:**

"…I just don't know if this is right anymore…" 

**Dun, dun, dun. Haha, sorry. We just thought it'd be a good idea to put this at the end, just to leave you guys in more suspense. :P Read and Review, please. And if you feel that this _Next time on Back to You_ stuff is mean or annoying, feel free to tell us and we'll cut it out immediately. :D Bye!**


	13. The Jealousy

**Oh dear, we are so, so, so sorry for the long break between posts. We would have thought that because it was summer break that we'd get more time to work on this but work and our vacation kind of ruined that and we are so sorry. We hope that somehow the next chapters will flow a little better. We are almost finished our other fics and hopefully once they are completed our undivided attention will once again return to this lovely lengthy fic of ours. Our pride and joy. :P Anyway, since it'd be hard to recount every single detail that's passed in the character's lives, we've skipped ahead one week from when Seth and Ryan found out about the separation. Now we know it's not the best we've done but it sure is the longest. :P It's also for the most part dialogue. We hope you like it. Read and Review and of course, Enjoy. :D**

Chapter 13: The Jealousy

Kirsten couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and turned for hours. It was her first night without him next to her since her return from rehab. Sandy was stationed in the guest bedroom. Kirsten stared at the ceiling before turning to face the photos taken in happier times. She gave a deep sigh before her eyes shut on their own volition.

As if time had moved forward at unbelievable pace, it had been a week since that night. Her first night without Sandy. Her first night in over 20 years as a non-married woman. The week's events had flown by her in an instant. Maybe it was due to the fact that she did the same thing everyday since the separation. She would wake up and drive herself to the beach, where she would swim and surf with Mark. He was the only person keeping her sane. Her family life had changed so drastically, she didn't know whether or not she'd ever get used to it. She and Sandy rarely saw each other. Seth and Ryan were caught in the middle. Dinners were always spent apart. When the family was together, they'd engage in petty small talk like strangers.

Mark liked to talk to her, really talk to her. He liked being there for her. He would listen to her short rambles and smile as she blushed and apologized profusely for her anger. He loved getting inside her head, understanding and learning everything there was to know about Kirsten Cohen.

Kirsten woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing next to her. She groaned as she rolled over and picked it up, blinded by the backlight and the caller display. _Julie._ She pushed the talk button and waited for the voice on the other line. "Hello? Kiki?"

"Good morning, Julie," said Kirsten, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand.

"Oh, did I wake you?" asked Julie.

"Sort of, but it's fine, don't worry about it. I have to get up anyway," said Kirsten. She sat up in bed as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Uh, right, what are you gonna do today?" asked Julie pointedly. Kirsten shook her head in amazement at the energy coming from the woman at such a time in the morning.

"Surf," she replied, sitting up. The force of her movement caused a sudden rush for Kirsten as she suddenly became lightheaded. She pressed her hand to her forehead in an attempt to soothe her spinning head. No avail. Sandy used to have the perfect cure for her morning rushes, she remembered. He would kiss her forehead gently, before beginning a trail to her lips, his tongue sliding against hers, forcing her to forget that her head was spinning. The kiss would deepen and the next thing she would know was that she would be straddling his naked body. _I miss him._

"Eugh, with the fish?" said Julie, the disgust evident in her tone.

Kirsten snapped out of her revere, smiling shortly as she reminisced. "That's what I used to say when San... It eases me," she said, gently. The memory of Valentine's Day two years ago flashed before her. Their ridiculous argument in her office about the other's duty to the other or something along those lines. It was a silly argument but it was serious enough for her to storm out, confused and angry. She had ignored him at the Valentine's Day Singles Dance Gala until she had heard him tell Marissa about love. She knew he was talking about their marriage, their relationship. The small stint about their fight earlier was a clean giveaway but there was something else that Marissa didn't quite pick up on. Kirsten had watched his eyes glaze over and a change in his voice that he reserved for their special evening dinners alone. There was a love in his eyes, an intensity so powerful that it should have scared her. It didn't, though. For how could she be afraid of such an immense amorous feeling with the same dwelled within her heart every time he looked at her. Smiled at her. Wiggled his insane eyebrows at her.

"And you're not afraid you'll drown?" interrupted Julie, unknowingly. Kirsten sighed, silently as she was once again dragged from the better times in her marriage.

"Oh, I don't go alone, that'd be crazy," said Kirsten, hoping the lack of emotion would remain hidden from her best friend so early in the morning. Julie didn't notice. The wheels in her head were spinning in a different direction. A different man altogether.

"Oh, right Mark! The other reason I called. So, what'd I tell you? He's hot, huh?" asked Julie, quickly. The woman's voice had picked up volume and excitement at her own mention of the attractive surfer. Secretly, she had once lusted for his body. The toned musculature of his pectorals, biceps and abdominals but her heart remained true to Jimmy. No amount of sex could ever force her to replace him in her heart, not even Caleb's money, though it had tided her over momentarily. Money didn't prevent her from having an affair with Jimmy, longing for his embrace or his smile. She loved him, no matter who said otherwise. True loves died hard.

"I can't believe you set me up with him on such short notice," said Kirsten, shaking her head in disbelief at the speed her friend had taken in order to get her a new man. Julie had the perfect man lined up the moment Kirsten had called, crying, upset and frustrated out of her mind at the realization that she would have to go out and find herself someone to try and move on with. Her conflicting feelings had prevented her from looking into her phonebook to try and find some old boyfriend or someone she had had a chemistry with. Julie had been there to ease her search and calm her nerves. She no longer had to find a new man; her friend had taken care of that, removing any anxiety Kirsten had had over her search. The only problem was that Julie's matchmaking was a little more powerful than she had assumed, for the chemistry she felt with Mark was undeniable and her father had always told her not to play with fire.

"Well, I am a master of men. Jimmy introduced me to him earlier this summer. I just thought, 'Hey, Kirsten needs someone and Mark's been kind of lonely these days, they're perfect,'" said Julie, happily at the progress of her work. Her matchmaking skills were definitely homing in. If only she could use her powers at a price… As Julie continued on about her perfection at putting the couple together, Kirsten shook her head, rolling her eyes. There was one flaw in Julie's plan. Kirsten wasn't supposed to start caring deeply for him. Mark was supposed to be the rebound, the healthy rebound that every broken-hearted person was supposed to have. He was supposed to help her forget about Sandy and move on to someone she could fall for, love… She wasn't supposed to be feeling for her rebound guy. Wasn't there some sort of rule against it?

"Yeah, almost too perfect," muttered Kirsten as her thoughts gathered, not realizing she had somewhat hinted at her blossoming affection for the man.

"Whoa, whoa, what! Are you, oh my God… Kirsten crushes Mark. You crush Mark," teased Julie in a singsong voice as she realized Kirsten's secret. At first the news had startled her, half the moral center of the universe wasn't supposed to be feeling for someone in not-so-distant universe. Were there different types of universes? Julie decided to herself that she would choose a better analogy, one she was more knowledgeable on. Nothing about space, time and beyond.

She listened as Kirsten struggled to find words. She really did have feelings for Mark, otherwise she would have remained calm. The thought of Kirsten and Mark together was one that wasn't completely disturbing but Julie was still in love with the idea of a marriage that lasted an eternity. One that had fought the tests of time, differences and family. Sandy was part of her family, even though they didn't get on very well. Kirsten and Mark couldn't possibly be an eternity type of romance. Julie decided that she wouldn't allow it. There was only one storybook romance for her best friend and it had to be with the man she loved for over twenty years.

"What? Julie that's…" stuttered Kirsten.

Julie smiled. Nothing was going to divorce Sandy and Kirsten but Kirsten still needed to find herself and her marriage. Julie smiled at the thought of reuniting Kirsten and Sandy but a part of her felt guilty about hurting one extra person. Mark. Julie shrugged off her doubts and continued to tease Kirsten. After all, there were other times to think about Mark, "Absolutely true? Don't worry. He crushes you, too."

"H-how do you know?" asked Kirsten, cautiously. It was a difficult task hiding things from Julie. She had powers. She always knew what Kirsten was thinking or feeling when it came to men. She knew about her crush on Carter. When Sandy would call her at work for a hotter-than-usual chat, Julie always knew. She always knew when Kirsten would have a little afternoon delight when she went out for lunch or when Sandy came over for lunch. No matter how hard she tried, Julie always knew. Her mastery on men was so overwhelmingly powerful that she knew when Kirsten had slept with Sandy or when she was thinking about making love to him.

"Boys talk too. God, I know you've been married since the dawn of time but you can't forget how men work. Mark told Jimmy, who of course told me," said Julie, matter-of-factly.

Kirsten struggled to find words. It had been a longtime since she had had to analyze men. Sandy was her oasis, her other half. She never had to figure out what he was thinking or how he felt, she always knew. "I…"

"I'm so sorry, Kiki. I shouldn't have mentioned the married thing," apologized Julie. She mentally slapped herself, _learn to think before you talk, Julie. Quit reminding her._

"Don't worry about it," said Kirsten, sadly. Julie was right. She had been married for the majority of her lifetime. She didn't know much about men anymore… other than Sandy.

"So, when are you going out with Mark?"

"I don't know," answered Kirsten, honestly. It wasn't as though she didn't want to date him but there was someone else in her life that she'd rather date.

"You never gave him your number," stated Julie. Sometimes her friend just needed a little push before she ever did anything. Kirsten needed to sort out her feelings. Kirsten was aware of it and so was Julie.

"I know but I keep thinking. 'What about Sandy?'" Julie frowned on the other line. It was completely evident to her that Kirsten was still devoted to her marriage regardless of the fact that they were temporarily on hiatus. Julie realized that Kirsten was trying to find her way back to Sandy, even if it meant taking a few detours. Mark was a detour. She just needed to be thrust into the situation so that she could be with Sandy sooner rather than later. Julie knew it. Kirsten did too.

"Kirs…"

"I know that we're separated but that doesn't stop me from thinking about him and missing him all the time." Kirsten's eyes welled with tears as she exposed her feelings to her best friend.

"Sweetie, it's going to be hard," said Julie, wishing she could take her friend into her arms and comfort her.

"I know. The boys know and that made it feel so permanent," confessed Kirsten.

"They know?" asked Julie, shocked. _Didn't she tell me NOT to tell the boys? Or anyone for that matter?_

"Ryan saw us that first day. He saw me with Mark and Sandy with Katherine," explained Kirsten with a sigh. She replayed last week's events in her mind, the talk, the broken family.

A silence was heard on the opposite end of the line. Kirsten shook her head gently, knowing full well that Julie was confused. She hadn't told her about Katherine quite yet.

"This brunette surfer, lawyer type person," said Kirsten, shortly. She didn't have to go into how Katherine's legs were long, tan and slender. Or how flat and toned her stomach was. Clearly, Katherine had never bore a child.

Julie heard everything from the intonation in Kirsten's voice. She knew her best friend all too well. She knew she was hiding the sculpted figure and flawless face Katherine had, "Oh, wow, I'm sorry Kirs."

"I don't know Julie. If I do start seeing Mark, I'm worried that it'll mean the end of Sandy and me and I'm not ready for that. I still love him," began Kirsten. She was grateful for Julie's presence. Someone she could count on. Someone she could tell all her feelings to….

"I know you do, Kiki, but I'm sure Mark's not asking for you two to get married," explained Julie, making an attempt at pushing her friend a little closer to finding what it was she was looking for.

"I know, I just can't help but think about him…"

"What if I told you that Sandy was seeing Katherine…?" said Julie, slowly, waiting for Kirsten's reaction.

Kirsten's eyes grew wide as she gasped inward, deeply, "Sandy's seeing Katherine!"

"I don't know, it was more of a rhetorical question…." said Julie, carefully.

"I hate rhetorical questions," pouted Kirsten. For a moment, she really believed that Sandy had moved on. Just like she was supposed to do with Mark. If Sandy dated Katherine, would that mean the end of the Cohens?

"Kirsten, you need to make a decision here."

"I know," expressed Kirsten, sadly.

"This isn't permanent you know. It can't be. You two are the moral center of the universe. You're Sandy and Kirsten. I couldn't handle it if you two got divorced," said Julie, enthusiastically. She knew Kirsten was smiling lightly on the other end as she revisited that fateful rainy day last year. They had broken into Caleb's liquor cabinet and smoked his cigars while comparing life stories.

Kirsten's voice turned serious as the smile faded, "Then how do you explain this?"

Julie thought hard for a moment before countering, "This is a temporary arrangement before you two realize that Julie is right and that you were just being stupid."

"That's great, Julie," laughed Kirsten, softly.

"Thank you."

"Julie, What would you do?" asked Kirsten, innocently.

"W.W.J.D? What would _Julie_ do? I like that," said Julie. Kirsten rolled her eyes as her friend had managed to turn the conversation to a completely different topic. A popular phrase… and her name.

"Julie," interrupted Kirsten.

"Right, sorry. Look, Kirsten, I have no doubt in my mind that Sandy's going to try and do the same thing as you're doing but with that woman. What's her name? Kathy. Personally, I'd date him. Kiki, you have to sort out your feelings for Sandy. Mark, he'll help you do that. Just base your decisions on how you feel and I'm sure everything will turn out the way they're supposed to," said Julie. An air of wisdom through her. Julie's answer shocked even herself. Never before had she shone with such knowledge as she did this moment at 6 in the morning. Julie shrugged, it might have been the week she had spent with Jimmy on his boat. That with the amazing sex they had had that morning.

"Isn't that using him?"

"Well," began Julie, her voice slightly in a singsong tone, "Not if you actually do have feelings for him, which I know you do."

Kirsten let out a light chuckle, "You know, you're a lot more persistent than you let on."

"I know."

"Wiser, too." The compliments kept coming and Julie's morning just kept getting better.

"I know. I'm starting to think that you think that I'm dense or something," prodded Julie in hopes for yet more praises.

"Oh, no of course not, Julie but I guess you're right… I do kind of… sort of… perhaps crush him… a little bit," confessed Kirsten, reluctantly. She took in a deep breath. Admitting to her feelings toward Mark was the first step in conquering whatever it was that was keeping her from the man she really loved.

"Mmkay, so, Kiki, what's it like being his student?" said Julie, suggestively.

Kirsten groaned, "Ugh, Julie!"

"Ah, Jimmy's up, I have to go, Kirsten but I'll call you tonight, see what happened between you and Mark?" asked Julie, her voice sped up as Kirsten heard a low growl on the other line.

Kirsten cringed at the sound, rushing suddenly to get of the phone, "Uh, yeah sure. Bye, Julie." She shuddered as right before she heard the click of Julie putting down the phone she heard the moans of the couple on the other line.

She lay back down against the mattress, holding her cell phone against her chest. She took in a deep breath as she heard a shuffle of padded feet in the hallway. Sandy was always awake at this time, either to go surfing or to gather his clothes as to not disturb her later in the morning. He, however, was always unaware that she was always awake as well. Waiting, holding her breath that he would come to her and whisper into her ear that he loved her. She was always waiting for the impossible. This morning, however, was different.

Kirsten wasn't waiting for Sandy to kiss her on the forehead before leaving or praying that he wouldn't notice her watch his every move. Kirsten was too nervous about what she had decided to do. She was a newly single woman, destined to go out on a date that she hadn't been even asked to go on yet.

The door slowly opened as some light filtered through into the bedroom. She looked at the shaggy haired figure before her through half lidded eyes. Sandy looked around briefly before slipping inside and tiptoeing into their closet.

Kirsten's eyes snapped open at the feel of a vibration at her chest, the light of the display blinding her momentarily before a ring tone blasted off her phone. Her gaze went straight to Sandy who simply stared at her expectantly. She looked at the screen, "Unknown number."

"Kirsten?" asked the English voice on the other line.

"Uh, Hi. Did Julie give you this number?" stuttered Kirsten as she sat up in her bed. Sandy returned to his previous activities as an attempt to distract himself from the beautiful blonde. Her hair was at a slight disarray, her pajama top stopping just above her breasts, teasing him. He watched as her chest rose and fell with each breath, her lips, soft and inviting. He missed Kirsten.

Kirsten smiled, slightly as she heard the discomfort in Mark's voice at the question. She assumed he was probably rehearing the sounds she had just heard herself. "So very uncomfortably but uh, yeah, she did. I hope that's okay," stuttered Mark.

Kirsten looked up at Sandy nervously. Their eyes met briefly as their breaths caught in their chests. They both looked away quickly, trembling gently as they both took deep breaths in an effort for focus and control. Kirsten sighed gently as she heard Mark cough on the other line, "What? Oh, yeah, it's fine. I should have been the one to give it to you though."

"Haha, yeah or I could have asked," chuckled Mark, awkwardly.

"Hmm, right," said Kirsten, "Wow, this feels really high school."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be," said Kirsten, in a less than reassuring tone. Her mind kept slipping back and forth between Sandy and Mark.

"Um. So. I guess Julie told you that I wanted to take you to dinner?" asked Mark.

Kirsten nodded as she watched as Sandy disappeared further into their closet, "She did."

Kirsten didn't notice the small pause at the end of her short reply. Mark interrupted her gaze, "And?"

"She didn't tell you anything else?"

"No, she didn't but I'm starting to think that maybe she didn't want to hurt my feelings or something. It's okay, you know, we can just surf today, no dinner or anything," said Mark, quickly. Kirsten blinked in amazement. He was kind of like Sandy; rambling absolute incoherent babble.

"You know, letting me give my answer would suffice," said Kirsten, ignoring yet another likeness to her husband. She rolled her eyes, amused at his words. It was, kind of, cute. She was almost certain that he was blushing on the other line.

"Right, sorry. I tend to ramble," said Mark, obviously slightly embarrassed.

Kirsten let out a light laugh, "I've noticed."

Both lines were then suddenly silent as they waited for the other to reply. Ten seconds had elapsed and still no response. Twenty. Thirty. A clearing of the throat. Kirsten twitched softly, "What?"

Mark laughed, as he lightened up considerably, "Dinner? Me. You. The Arches. Tonight?"

Kirsten thought for a moment. She had already decided hadn't she? Date Mark. That was the right thing to do, not only because she had to but also because she was attracted to him and it was only fair to investigate that while not jeopardizing the relationship she had with Sandy. Kirsten ran it through in her head one last time before letting out a quiet sigh. "Right, of course. Uh, yeah. Sure, Let's have dinner," she answered.

"Really? Great, let's do it. But not _it_ because I don't want to do _it_ with you, not that I don't want to because you're very attractive but we can't do _it_ because you're still married and I can't do that but it's not that I can't do _that_ because I can and I'm sure you can too, not that I've imagined it because that'd be weird not that _it_ would be weird or anything because I'm sure it'd be good…" rambled Mark

"Mark."

"…not that I'm thinking about us doing _it_ because I'm not, not that I don't want to…"

"Mark!"

"Uh, yeah?" asked Mark, as though nothing was really wrong. Kirsten smiled as she heard him take deep breaths to stabilize his breathing as it had quickened along with his words.

"The rambling?"

"Sorry, I get nervous and then I can't stop talking," confessed Mark, slowly.

"Why are you nervous? We're having a conversation over the phone, seems pretty harmless to me," shrugged Kirsten.

"I didn't want you to get the wrong impression."

Kirsten laughed softly, "I wouldn't have. Now you're leading me to believe that you have thought about sleeping with me." Kirsten looked up to see Sandy's eyes, intense as ever, through the darkness of the closet. Clearly, the mention of Kirsten sleeping with anyone other than Sandy was enough to make him stop in his tracks.

"Oh, um, no of course not, Kirsten. I have only honorable intentions with you."

Kirsten smiled, "Like sleeping with me." She took care to speak a little louder, staring into Sandy's eyes before turning away, blushing.

"No, no, no, no," emphasized Mark.

"You need to relax a little more," said Kirsten, a little seductively.

"I know," concurred Mark, his voice deep.

"You weren't like this on the beach."

"That's because you were my student," countered Mark. Kirsten chuckled lightly as she was reminded of Julie's sexual implication earlier about being Mark's student. To Mark, there was a difference between being someone's date and being someone's student. To Julie, there wasn't one.

"And now…?" asked Kirsten, curious of what he thought of their relationship now. Would he jump straight to calling her his girlfriend?

"Well, I'm dating you. Who knows what will happen. Uh not that I…" stumbled Mark.

"Dinner," interrupted Kirsten, firmly.

"Yes, dinner," replied Mark. Kirsten looked up to see Sandy, still staring at her. Something in his eyes told her that perhaps the conversation should end.

"Uh, I have to go but I'll see you in a few hours on the beach again today," rushed Kirsten.

"Um, okay, take care, Kirsten," said Mark affectionately.

"You, too. Bye-bye."

Kirsten turned to stand up only to be face to face with Sandy, whose eyes flared with a passion she had rarely seen before. "Who the hell was that?" asked Sandy, abruptly.

"What?" asked Kirsten, taken aback as she rose to her feet.

"Kirsten, don't hide things from me. Who was that on the phone just now? Who are you meeting?" asked Sandy, strongly, to the back of Kirsten's head as she walked briskly away from him.

"It's none of your damn business, Sandy," said Kirsten, grabbing her robe, which was slung over the back of the expensive chair. Sandy watched her in awe, her hair sweeping behind her as the robe was pressed to her milky skin. She looked like an angel. His angel.

He gazed at her, his eyes blaring with jealousy, "It _is_ my damn business. I want to know who the hell is cavorting around with my wife."

Kirsten stopped and turned to look at him. She pointed a finger at him as she defended, "He's not cavorting." Their breaths deepened as they stared into each other's eyes. His hair was scruffily sexy as it used to be, his eyes piercing through the messy bangs. The undershirt he wore clung to his body, defining his already perfect musculature.

"So, now, you're defending him?" accused Sandy, angrily. Kirsten rolled her eyes. Sandy was never the jealous type, at least, he never showed he was the jealous type. Perhaps that was because she was his and now, her marital status was less than clear. For the moment, she wasn't part of Sandy and Kirsten, Kandy, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen. She was, plain and simple, Kirsten. Not, Sandy's Kirsten. Just Kirsten and it seemed as though as that fact scared Sandy into a sense of uneasiness. His once angel was now dating someone else.

"You don't even know who he is! Don't you judge him!" spat Kirsten, glaring at his piercing dark eyes.

"Is it that man I saw you with?" Sandy's voice softened.

Kirsten took a breath as she felt him calm down slightly, "What man?"

"Don't lie to me. I saw you at the beach yesterday. You know, the guy with the shirt off. Dark hair. Steroid induced muscles," explained Sandy.

"They are not steroid induced! And you're following me now? That's great, Sandy, really great. I love how you trust me," said Kirsten, turning from him.

Sandy moved closer to her, his breath hitting her neck, "I see the way you look at him." Kirsten shuddered, gently, as she listened to him, his voice deep, his words colliding into her. There was no particular way she looked at him,

"Tell me then, because I'd really like to know," said Kirsten, narrowing her eyes at him.

"You ogle him. You _drool_ over him like a schoolgirl," emphasized Sandy.

"_You_ are ridiculous," said Kirsten, rolling her eyes at him before turning away from him yet again.

Sandy's voice was soft, jealous, "Then why do you smile every time he touches you? Why do you blush every time he looks at you?" The sound of his voice was heartbreaking for Kirsten. The only time she had ever heard him sound this was two years ago when he had confronted her about her kiss with Jimmy.

"I don't smile or blush, Sandy. How can you question my loyalty when you've been running around with that surfer girl?" she asked, just as softly.

"She has a name," he paused, "Kirsten." He said her name in a bare whisper, almost inaudible. Kirsten sighed inwardly. She didn't know how much it hurt him to tell her about Katherine. Katherine meant nothing to him compared to how much he felt for Kirsten. Uttering another's name broke his heart. The only "she," and "her," for him was Kirsten. Hers was the only name that mattered.

"So you admit it," Kirsten began, "You have a slutty little surfer girl on the side." She hated that she was being so rude and mean to him but she needed to disconnect herself from him in order to grow. She needed to at least make an attempt at being with someone else, living without Sandy's constant love and affection. Without her own heart beating for him.

"Kirsten, you're talking crazy," said Sandy, his eyes questioning hers as he took her hands into his own, stroking the flesh on her slender digits.

"Am I Sandy?" she replied, pulling her hands away from the hypnotic feel and rhythm of his fingers, "Because I seem to remember walking on the beach, seeing you hold her towel while she changed, naked! You know, that surfer woman with the dark hair, long. Too long. And the tanned skin. Too tanned. On the body, which, might I add, is unproportional to her face." Kirsten folded her arms against her slim figure, pouting lightly. Her banter had crossed the boundary of anger and had entered into the world of confusion. Her feelings had altered her speech, apparently. Usually when she acted this way, Sandy would chuckle before gathering her into his arms for a sweet embrace. His lips against hers would make her pout disappear, her facial features to soften as she lost herself in his caresses to her skin and brushes of his tongue against hers. His body would press against hers, pinning her to him, pelvis to pelvis, chest to chest. Their bodies entwined in a passionate dance.

"So, you've been stalking me and making up words," concluded Sandy, abruptly pulling Kirsten away from her thoughts.

She glared at him, through narrowed eyes. "Don't you judge me," she hissed, "I have a husband who lies to me about his little girlfriend. I have a husband who thinks I'm cavorting with some strange man."

"Strange man with ripples made from steroids," countered Sandy, childishly.

"Mark is not on steroids!" she cried, throwing her hands up in defeat. She let out a quiet groan of frustration, staring at the way Sandy's chest rose and fell with the spasms of his chest. His nostrils flared as his biceps flexed, his hands clenching. Her defense of Mark was beginning to get to him. She used to defend _him_ like that. Raw passion. She couldn't be feeling that way for Mark already? Could she?

"Again, defending your little boyfriend," Sandy shook his head, gently, as the thoughts of her being in love with someone else consumed his mind. There had to be a reason why she was defending Mark in such a manner.

"Stop acting so smug, Sandy. Who is that girl?" pleaded Kirsten, softly.

"Stop trying to pawn this off on me. I'm not the one making plans with Mark every morning," answered Sandy, frustrated that their conversation was going nowhere.

"You don't know what I'm doing with him. How dare you accuse me of having an affair! I have been nothing but faithful to you Sandy." Tears glistened in her eyes briefly as she reminisced of their romance. Never in her life had she ever experienced such ardor or raw emotion.

"Well, so have I," countered Sandy.

"I see him every morning and you see her every morning," she began, "So what the hell is your problem? We're even."

"How the hell can you say we're even? He touches you. He holds your hand and

steadies you," cried Sandy, grabbing her hand.

"You don't know what you're talking about. She lays your towels down in the sand for you. She sticks your board in the sand. She does so much for you, Sandy," said Kirsten, hoping the envy in her voice would be masked by her broken heart.

"Why are you so jealous, Kirsten?" It wasn't. He knew her. He knew her better than she knew herself. He saw her in every way that was possible.

"I… I'm not jealous. I'm curious. There is a difference," she said, uncertainly, mentally crossing her fingers that he would believe her. She finished with a curt nod. "Why are you so jealous?" she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at him.

The grip he had on her hand softened as he stared down at her milky complexion. He looked deep into her eyes, searching for a sign, anything that told him that their separation was a mistake. It scared him that he couldn't see into her as well as he used to. He sighed, "Because he touches you. He holds your hand and steadies you. He does what I want to do to and for you. I can't and he can. You're right. She lays down my towels and sticks my board in the sand. None of it is personal. Rosa lays down my sheets. The mailman sticks my mail in the box."

"Sandy, those are horrible connections," sniffed Kirsten, with a small chuckle.

"I know but I don't think you're focusing on the bigger picture, here, Kirsten." His voice remained serious and Kirsten's faint smile disappeared.

"I know… Sandy… I…"

"What are we doing, Kirsten?" interrupted Sandy.

"I… don't know. I can't do this, Sandy. I can't. I'll even admit it. I was jealous. But… I just don't know if this is right anymore," confessed Kirsten, gently pulling her hand away from him and walking to their bed. She turned to look at him before sitting on the expensive sheets.

"Even after all this, Kirsten? You admitted it. You're jealous. You can't see me with another woman. You don't want to see me with another woman," pushed Sandy, taking a seat next to her. He cradled her face in his hands, his face inches away from hers. Her breath caught in her chest.

"You're right. I can't. You can't either. Mark and I scare you like you and Katherine scares me. But you see, Sandy, you turn to everyone who isn't me. Rebecca isn't me. She's the complete opposite. Katherine, too. She's a funny, athletic woman from the P.D's office. I'm the serious, spoiled Newport brat who worked for a company and a man you hated," said Kirsten, sadly, tearing her physical connection to Sandy.

Sandy looked at her, shocked. In a way, she was right. His hands froze in mid-air, curling into fists before meeting the soft high-thread count sheets, "Are you sleeping with him?"

"No, Sandy, I'm not," she said, shortly.

"Then what was that I saw? You topless, him rubbing your shoulders. You were moaning Kirsten, in public. You never like big public displays of affection and now, with him all you do is giggle and blush like a schoolgirl," accused Sandy. He was sorry. He didn't know what else to throw at her. He was breaking into pieces and she was still holding up her strong front. He needed her so bad it hurt inside.

"That's not true and you know it," she said, sharply. Her voice pierced into him. Her eyes shot into him like daggers as they met his. He missed the passion she held for him. He took her enthusiasm she had for their separation because it was the only strong emotion that she ever presented to him.

"Kirsten…"

"This is stupid," she uttered, quietly, looking at her hands, folded neatly in her lap.

"What is? The fact that you're jealous and I'm jealous but we're not together? Because baby, that is stupid. We should be together," said Sandy, passionately, taking both her hands in his.

"No," said Kirsten, standing up, abruptly, "this conversation is stupid. I have no right to be jealous or curious. You're right. We aren't together. I shouldn't be trying to pin you down while I go off with Mark. It's not fair and it's wrong. I'm sorry, Sandy. I'll leave you and your leggy surfer girl alone." She began to walk away, disappearing slowly into their closet and toward their bathroom. She refused to look at him, her eyes glazed over with the tears of a broken heart.

"Kirsten. You've got me all wrong," cried Sandy, standing up. Something in his voice made her stop. Something made her stay in place for a moment. He made her want to stay. She shut her eyes, letting the tears stain her face, splashing against her flushed cheeks.

She turned to face him, her hair flowing in the momentum of her movement, "No. I had us all wrong, Sandy."

Sandy stared after her as she shut the door to their bathroom. Their room was quiet, dark. All that could be heard were the deep respirations coming from the brokenhearted man in the middle of the room, staring at a closed door in the midst of darkness. The only thing he saw was the small crack of light coming from behind the closed door and the dancing shadow of the woman he loved. Silent tears fell down his face as he remembered the last words she said to him. _I had us all wrong._

Kirsten stared at the door after she shut it. The room was painfully bright, almost blinding. All that could be heard was the silent sobs emitted by the devastated woman in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door in the light, through the darkness of her heart. The only thing she saw was the small crack of darkness seeping into her. The shadow and sorrow of a broken heart. She, quietly, crumpled to the floor as she realized that the last words she said to him were true. She had had them all wrong.

**Next time on Back to You:**

"…There is someone else I have feelings for and I don't know what to do…" 

**Dum, dum, dum. Haha :P Read and Review, please. **


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